Cheryl confessed to 'dying inside' at height of fame before Liam Payne helped heal wounds

Former Girls Aloud star and X Factor judge Cheryl Cole, who shared son Bear with the late Liam Payne, struggled for years with 'self-loathing' after her confidence hit rock bottom

After announcing their sad breakup in 2018, Cheryl and ex-Liam Payne put aside their differences to co-parent their son.

Both opened up over the years about the tough decisions they had agreed on, working together as a team to do what they thought was best for Bear, now seven. And it seems Liam, who tragically died last month aged 31, was also there to support the mother of his child with her own struggles.

The Girls Aloud star, 41, battled with self-confidence issues and anxiety at the height of her career in the music industry as part of one of the country's biggest girlbands and later fronting The X Factor as a judge alongside music mogul Simon Cowell. Before giving birth to Bear in 2017, she found herself being bombarded by negative and intrusive thoughts.

Speaking to Radio 1's Life Hacks, she confessed: "I would talk to myself so nastily. 'You silly cow. You stupid b****.' No one could make me feel worse about myself than I did, and that was a massive problem."

She added: "I would walk out to a wall of paparazzi and put on a smile but inside I was dying." Her battle came to a head following the birth of Bear in 2017, when she came to the realisation that she couldn't carry on this way while trying to raise her newborn.

Cheryl continued: "I struggled for so many years with anxiety and in my own head. I didn't want that to be happening when I was trying to focus on raising a child." She turned to a therapist for help and underwent cognitive behavioural therapy to combat "years of self-loathing".

She revealed that the experience allowed her to "actively undo" all the negative thought patterns and self-talk she had become accustomed to. "It felt like my responsibilities shifted and my priorities changed and I needed to be settled in my own head to be able to give him the best that I could possibly give him," she added.

The Girls Aloud star's confidence was shattered by several of her previous relationships, where she found herself allegedly cheated on and lied to. Her first marriage began to crumble amid allegations that Ashley Cole had been carrying on an affair with hairdresser Aimee Walton.

The Geordie pop sensation eventually decided to give things another try, and her efforts inspired one of her most famous solo tracks, Fight For This Love. Despite putting up a fight, however, by 2010, it was all over, with Cheryl filing for divorce after additional cheating allegations emerged, citing 'unreasonable behaviour'.

In the summer of July 2014, Cheryl surprised fans after marrying husband number two, French restaurateur Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versinim, in a secret wedding. The whirlwind romance didn't last, however, and by 2016, Cheryl was back in the divorce courts once more, with the pop star claiming that her husband's 'unreasonable behaviour' had caused her 'stress and weight loss'.

Jean-Bernard has reportedly since denied cheating on Cheryl, following the assertion that Liam was her only loyal partner, with there being no bad blood reported between the pair despite their split just one year after Bear's birth. Speaking with The Sunday Times' Style magazine back in 2018, Cheryl told journalist Decca Aitkenhead how Liam was 'the only man who has ever been faithful to her'.

The parents announced their split following two and a half years together, but vowed to remain close to raise their son. A statement read: "We are sad to announce that we are going our separate ways. It's been a tough decision for us to make. We still have so much love for each other as a family. Bear is our world and we ask that you respect his privacy as we navigate our way through this together."

In 2022, Liam shared how he spent a lot of quality time with his son. He said: "I see him two times a week, three times a week sometimes. And I make sure when I see him, he has 100 percent of my time. I make sure that I'm not on my phone or d***ing around somewhere else. So, I like to give him those moments and it's important, he needs that in his life, he needs his dad in his life, and I'm happy he looks at me like a superhero, and I'm hoping to keep it that way."

Following Liam's death on October 16 after plunging from the third floor of a boutique hotel in Argentina, Cheryl penned a heartfelt tribute. She wrote: "Liam was not only a pop star and a celebrity, he was a son, a brother, an uncle, a dear friend and a father to our seven-year-old son. A son that now has to face the reality of never seeing his father again."