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[Warning: Potentially Triggering Content]
An actor who appeared on shows like Grey’s Anatomy and Law & Order is opening up for the first time about his horrifying encounter with one the country’s most notorious serial killers.
In an essay published by People on Wednesday, Jack Merrill revealed he was raped and tortured by John Wayne Gacy. Yes, as in the “Killer Clown” John Wayne Gacy. For those who don’t know, Gacy — a contractor who also performed as Pogo the Clown — was convicted of raping and murdering at least 33 boys and young men around Chicago in the 1970s and later executed by lethal injection. And Jack was one of his victims who miraculously lived to tell the tale. However, he never publicly talked about that harrowing night with Gacy… until now.
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This all happened back in 1978 when Jack was just 19 years old.
According to the star, he was walking home after swimming at a YMCA in Chicago one night when a guy pulled over and asked if he wanted “to go for a ride.” Jack accepted, thinking they would only “go around the block a few times.” But instead, Gacy “started driving quickly and turned into a really bad neighborhood”:
“He said, ‘Lock your door. It’s dangerous.’ I said they kept that out of the papers because it was bad for business on nearby Rush Street, and he said, ‘How do you know that, huh? You’re smart. You’re not like those other kids.’”
Chilling… Jack continued:
“I had never gotten into anyone’s car before, but I had a sense that if he thought I was different from other people he’d picked up, then I should stick with it.”
When Gacy stopped “near the ramp of the Kennedy Expressway,” things took a scary turn. Jack recalled the notorious criminal asking him if he had “ever done ‘poppers’ — amyl nitrite,” a popular drug in the gay club scene. Then, before he could react, Gacy drugged him:
“He pulled out this brown bottle, splashed some liquid on a rag and jammed it into my face. I passed out, and when I woke up, I was in handcuffs. I saw the exit for Cumberland on the expressway, near the airport, and the next thing I knew, we were outside his house. He told me to be quiet.”
Then Jack “realized how dangerous he was” and knew he “couldn’t anger him” if he wanted to stay alive. While in the house, Jack recalled:
“He asked if I trusted him, and I said I did, so he took off the handcuffs. There was a bar in the middle of the house. We had beer, and he had this strong pot, and then he put the handcuffs back on and dragged me down the hall.”
At this point, Jack said Gacy “put this homemade contraption around” his neck:
“It had ropes and pulleys, and it went around my back and through my handcuffed hands in a way that if I struggled, I would choke. I did at one point and started to lose air.”
OMG. Gacy then shoved a gun in his mouth and proceeded to rape him. In order to survive, Jack did not fight back:
“I knew if I fought him, I didn’t have much of a chance. I never freaked out or yelled. I also felt sorry for him in a way, like he didn’t necessarily want to be doing what he was doing, but he couldn’t stop.”
This torment lasted “for hours.” Ultimately, Gacy started “tiring” and made a shocking offer:
“All of a sudden he said, ‘I’ll take you home.’ He dropped me off not far from where he’d picked me up. It was around 5 in the morning. He gave me his phone number and said, ‘Maybe we’ll get together again sometime.’”
That obviously did not happen. Jack said the second he got home, he “flushed the number down the toilet, then took a shower.” But he “didn’t call the police.” He was too scared of the stigma, especially at that time. Besides, he obviously had no idea the man who assaulted was a serial killer at the time. So Jack tried to “get past” what happened as he “wasn’t going to leave my happiness in that house.” A few months later, though, he saw a story in the Chicago Sun-Times reporting bodies were found “at suburban site” — and just knew the man involved in those murders was the one who abducted, tortured, and assaulted him:
“I called the paper and said, ‘That guy raped me.’ The man who answered said, ‘What did you say your name was?’ I didn’t say my name. I was sensitive about my name because people knew my father. That was his paper. I hung up the phone. I thought if the police ever needed my help, I’d come forward.”
However, he never had to:
“They found all these bodies under that house, and years later he was convicted. But like I said, if they had needed me, I would have come forward.”
And he never shared his story with the world back then. Jack almost did when he talked to a Hollywood movie executive about telling the story of what happened that night — but decided against it. The exec asked, “That’s how you want to be remembered?”:
“I thought, ‘No, I guess not. That would be tying myself to him.’”
Now, he’s had a change of heart. Not only has he learned to “forgive” Gacy as part of his healing journey, but he has decided to open up about that horrific night, doing so through his essay with People and a one-man show called The Save Play:
“There’s a lot of people who have had bad things happen to them. Many people who have been raped don’t talk about it. I understand that. Until now I’ve only told close friends. But doing my new show, I walk through it every night. I’m proud of the journey. I was able to learn from the bad and use it for the good. You know, I’m lucky. I’ve always been lucky.”
This is such a heartbreaking and terrifying story… We applaud him for having the strength to come forward and tell it. Learn more about (below):
If you or someone you know has experienced sexual violence and would like to learn more about resources, consider checking out https://www.rainn.org/resources.
[Image via Grey’s Anatomy/Shondaland, Jack Merrill/Instagram, Peacock/YouTube]
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