How a Popular Post-It Note Trend Landed Me a Date

For those of us growing up in the social media generation, the art of flirting in public has become an anomaly — a brave act saved for dares on a girls' night out or an impromptu decision emboldened by a few tequila sodas. But recently, dating app fatigue has invigorated new ways to meet potential matches, like in-person singles events and even celebrity look-alike contests. In a similar vein, I recently came across a dating challenge on TikTok encouraging people to give out sticky notes to make the first move in public.

In mid-November, @catystanko posted a now-viral TikTok video in which she calls upon her followers to leave their apartment with a sticky note and give it to someone they find attractive. It's a refreshingly not-toxic trend to come out of DatingTok, a notoriously anxiety-inducing corner of the internet. In the video, she tells viewers, "If that person never texts you, fine. It's OK because we don't care about rejection from strangers that we do not know," and gives a sample script for how the interaction can unfold.

She suggests going to a Whole Foods or the gym — somewhere with a strong likelihood of having a high concentration of "hot" people — and if you see someone you find attractive, write on a sticky note, "Hi, my name is ___. I'm sorry if you have a boyfriend or girlfriend, but I think you're cute. *Insert phone number.*" After that, you simply tap the person of interest on the shoulder, hand them the note, and walk away. If they text you, amazing. If not, no love lost.

As a self-proclaimed dating app hater and someone who has met almost everyone they've dated in real life, I was intrigued by this challenge and decided to put it to the test. While I didn't end up with a new partner (at least not yet), it certainly helped bring back the fun and carefree element of dating. Here's how it went.

My Experience Trying the Sticky Note Dating Trend

In the weeks after I first saw the video, I carried a stack of Post-It notes and a pen in my purse every time I went out in anticipation of finding an eligible bachelor. It was much harder than I thought to find someone who I thought was attractive, not with a partner, and didn't seem creepy. As I went about one normal week — attending happy hour and trivia nights with friends, buying groceries, and going dancing — I ended up handing out two Post-It notes.

The first was to a guy I saw across the room at a club where my friend was hosting a party. He was standing in a small group of friends, none of whom appeared to be his partner, with his back toward me. I did just as the video said. I walked straight to him, tapped him on the shoulder, handed him the note and said, "This is for you," and walked away. When I sat back down with my friends, they gave me a play-by-play of his reaction: He unfolded the note, read it, held it up to the light to read it, and then handed it to his friend to examine. He did not come over to me and I never received a text. Although the outcome wasn't great, I didn't care because I knew it had no bearing on my life and I just had fun dissecting the situation with my friends, which was a nice reminder to not take dating so seriously.

The second time, I was at a restaurant/bar with my two girlfriends drinking margaritas when an extremely handsome server came to the table and asked if he could take anything out of our way. He came back to check on us three or four times and brought out a round of shots on the house. Just before asking for the check, I got up to go to the bathroom and conveniently ran into the server. I asked him to remind me of his name and told him mine before handing him the note and saying, "If you want to grab a drink sometime," and sauntered into the women's room. I didn't look at him as I walked back to my table. As we finished the last sip of our drinks, my phone started ringing from a number I didn't recognize and I rejected the call. I turned around and saw him standing by the host stand, phone in hand, smiling at me.

Although I felt a little nervous giving him the note, I had a good feeling about the interaction and was excited about how freeing it felt to just go for it. The energy in the way we looked at each other was palpable and we've been on two dates since. Naturally, there is a level of awkwardness that comes with first dates, especially with someone you have no prior connection to, but our mutual intrigue and flirtation remained and allowed us to be more open and honest, which helped break the ice. He also mentioned that he was impressed by the balls it took to execute the sticky-note move — and that it inspired him to step up his own game.

Final Thoughts

After trying out the sticky-note trend, I learned its success is circumstantial. A club or crowded bar is not an optimal place to conduct this experiment, as it doesn't give the recipient much time to really see the person giving them the sticky note or respond because of how fluid the atmosphere is. In a more casual environment, though, it definitely can be the catalyst for a meet-cute. If you're planning on testing out the challenge, I would recommend searching in a café, garden, bookstore, or relaxed bar/restaurant.

While the concept of the trend is easy, the hard part is working up the nerve to do it and choosing not to care what the outcome is. While I was nervous about trying it at first, I found the strategy to be freeing. I love that sending out sticky notes has the potential to bring back the freedom and fun in dating, which is something that can get lost in hookup culture and situationships.

For me, the key was to let go of my ego and just go for it. It was a test of self-confidence and security as much as it was a dating maneuver. It made me feel more in control of my own life and desires; when I would start to overthink, it was helpful to remind myself how low stakes this experiment really is and that my self-worth isn't dictated by a random person messaging me. A philosophy I thought about a lot during this experiment was: why not, which is a mindset I've been using to approach dating in general lately.

All in all, trying the sticky-note trend took some of the pressure off of dating and was a fun thing to do with my friends that may or may not have led to a romantic connection. Ultimately, the dates were just a bonus, and sticky notes will be living in my purse for the next time I'm out and feeling emboldened to make the first move.