A man has turned to the internet for advice following a row with his fiancée about her daughter.
The Reddit post titled, "AITAH [Am I the A******] for telling my fiancée my stepdaughter isn't mine, sort it yourself," quickly went viral, racking up 20,000 upvotes in two days, after it was posted on November 9.
User Embarrassed_Basis160 explained that both he and his partner, 30, have children from previous relationships, and they've never had any issues—until recently, when the couple disagreed about the 11-year-old girl's camping attire.
The 27-year-old wrote: "My fiancée dressed her in a dress, and I mentioned to her that it didn't seem like the right choice for the occasion. She seemed offended and said her daughter could wear whatever she liked and that it wasn't a man's place to judge. I tried to clarify what I meant, but she cut me off, saying, 'She's my daughter, not yours.'"
Then, the man took his son to a pre-planned match, during which his partner of four years rang to say her daughter was told she couldn't go camping wearing a dress.
"My fiancée then asked if I could leave the match early to drive her daughter to the activity center. I replied, 'Why should I? She's not my daughter, and I'm here with my son.'
"Neither of us are talking now. I do pity my stepdaughter, and I wasn't being spiteful. My son was looking forward to it, and it would have been about [four] hours of travel."
"Who sends a girl kayaking in a dress????" said the top comment with 21,000 upvotes.
Another user said, "NTA [not the a******], I'd have been snappy too, you tried your best. But also, you need to clear up what your roles are meant to be with the kids here.
"Either you're some kind of parent and expected to help, or you're a random unrelated person who needs to keep their nose out and not do the shuttling about.
"The second sounds like a not great environment for a kid, but they can't expect you to just do chores for them on demand and also be treated like an irrelevant stranger when it suits them."
Yesterday (November 10), the man shared an updated post that gathered 23,000 upvotes.
He explained that his fiancée described his comment as "hurtful" and then asked if he loved her daughter.
"I said I did. She asked if it was as much as I loved my son, and I responded, 'almost as much.' She got cranky. I asked her if she loved my son. She said no. I asked if she loved me, and her answer was 'sort of.'
She then ended up in tears and woke up her daughter to leave, stating that her partner doesn't 'want' them anymore.
"I told her that I never said that. Her daughter began crying and didn't want to leave, but her mother said, 'Don't let me leave on my own. He doesn't want you.' I reassured them both that they were welcome to stay."
Establish Clear Expectations and Boundaries
Lauren O'Carroll, a parenting coach based in England and owner of Positively Parenting, spoke to Newsweek about the updated post.
"I would say that while there is no right and wrong in this situation," she said, adding: "I would advise any couple considering moving in together to have open conversations aimed at establishing clear expectations, boundaries, and approaches to parenting within the new family structure.
"Ideally, partners should discuss their roles with each other's children, understanding that love and closeness grow at their own pace and don't need to mirror the bond with a biological child.
She added: "Setting a foundation of respect and empathy while acknowledging each child's individual needs creates a secure, comfortable environment for everyone involved.
Reddit Reacts
He concludes the post by saying that his partner left without her child. The post has gained a lot of attention, racking up 1,700 comments.
"She flat-out told you she doesn't love your son and she sort of loves you! Wow! You avoided even more drama than was starting to brew! You and your boy deserve so much better than a 'no' and 'sort of'!" said one user.
"She said she didn't love your son, she should be kicked out without a second thought. You don't want to marry someone like that. Dodged a whole grenade with this one," said another.
Newsweek reached out to u/Embarrassed_Basis160 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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