Maura Higgins has opened up about having suicidal thoughts after her newfound fame came with many struggles behind-the-scenes. The 33-year-old reality star, who reached the Love Island final with Curtis Pritchard back in 2019, landed multiple deals after the show, including on ITV's This Morning, and with fashion giant Boohoo.
Despite being grateful for the opportunities, Maura admitted that the challenge of managing everything with no loved ones beside her was overwhelming and led to "dark thoughts". Moving from Ireland to the UK without a permanent home, friends, or family left her feeling isolated, as she recalled: "I've done everything by myself. I've been independent my whole life. But that was a lot. That was scary. Very, very scary."
She admitted often pretending to be happy for the camera when in reality she was mentally exhausted having had "no break". She shared: "I was chased by the paps everywhere I went. I had no clothes. It was going from one thing to the next, like, to radio, to this photo shoot to you've signed with brands."
Reflecting on why she didn't refuse some work, she explained the difficulty of navigating her new reality, adding: "People will say, 'why didn't you say no?' But you're in this new world". When things got too much for her, Maura admits the thought of ending it all crossed her mind amid a mental breakdown.
Speaking on Paul C Brunson's We Need To Talk podcast, she shared: "I had a breakdown. I had dark thoughts, very dark thoughts.
"And it got to a stage where I don't even think I told my mum. I tell my mum everything. I didn't tell her how bad it was."
When pressed further, she admitted: "I didn't want to be here anymore. I thought that was going to be the best thing.
"There was so much expected from me. And because I was there on my own, I was like, 'I've just nobody to help'."
Maura went on to say that her worried best friend at the time secretly contacted her agent and insisted on a break for her, which she eventually took. Reflecting on those times, the reality star expressed regret over taking on too many commitments and now enjoys a more balanced and lighter workload.
Moreover, after an emotional moment with ITV producers, she expressed gratitude towards the company for their continued support and for keeping her on board.
If you are affected by any of the issues raised in this article, please call the Samaritans for free on 116123.
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