A post on Reddit has ignited controversy over familial expectations and motherhood.
In the post, a woman explained her fraught relationship with her sister, who demanded babysitting help for a hospital appointment after years of tension around the original poster (OP) u/JumpFeisty225's fertility struggles.
In the post, the OP explained that she and her sister, Jade, 33, had been close until an incident three years ago when Jade, pregnant with her third child, made dismissive comments about her sister's inability to conceive.
"She told me I should just accept I'm meant to be a babysitter, not a mother," the OP wrote. "She told me to feel lucky for what I had and embrace it, and I could be useful to her more."
In response, the OP reduced contact with Jade for her emotional well-being.
Despite the estrangement, Jade recently asked her sister to babysit her four children while she attended a hospital appointment. After receiving a firm "no," Jade accused her sister of selfishness. The poster responded by using Jade's past words—about being "grateful" for time with children—against her, prompting even more upset.
An Expert Weighs In
Dr. Kyra Bobinet, a physician and expert in human behavior change, provided insights into the complexities of the OP's family dynamic—especially regarding the OP's fertility issues.
"Fertility challenges activate deep emotional pain tied to feelings of failure, especially in a society that often equates motherhood with fulfillment and success," Bobinet said. "When someone experiences repeated perceived failures, such as fertility treatments not working...This can lead to feelings of hopelessness, depression and even motivation loss. For the poster, her sister's harsh comments likely exacerbated this activation."
On the other hand, Bobinet noted that Jade's behavior could stem from the same societal expectations of a performative mindset around motherhood.
At the heart of the matter for many Redditors seemed to be Jade's demand that the OP babysit her children—and her attitude towards her sister as a resource for her and her family. This perspective likely stems from "entitlement, unprocessed stress and learned behavior," Dr. Bobinet said.
The OP's decision to refuse Jade's babysitting request is a crucial step in reclaiming her agency, Bobinet added, offering the following tips:
- Practice self-compassion: "Remind yourself that saying no doesn't make you selfish; it's a form of self-care."
- Stay consistent: 'When you set boundaries, follow through. Each time you hold firm, you reinforce to yourself and others that your needs are valid and deserve respect."
- Avoid escalation: 'While it might be tempting to mirror Jade's tone, staying calm and focused on your boundaries prevents unnecessary emotional fallout."
- Seek support: "Lean on your husband, therapist, or trusted friends to process the emotional toll this relationship might have."
- Reframe relationships: 'It's OK to accept that not every sibling relationship will be close. Instead, focus on creating a relationship with Jade that feels safe and balanced for you, even if that means less frequent contact."
Reddit reacts
Many commenters praised the OP's decision to prioritize her mental health.
"[Jade's] not been very empathetic or considerate towards you during your fertility struggles, has belittled and insulted you, undermined you yet is still expecting you to bend over backwards for her when it comes to babysitting duties," one user wrote. "You don't owe her anything, and you deserve to focus on yourself and starting a family."
"Your sister showed her true colors when she called you a 'babysitter' instead of an aunt and said you weren't 'meant to be' a mother. That's some next level cruel," another person wrote.
Newsweek reached out to u/JumpFeisty225 for comment via Reddit.
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