A woman who used to work as a Starbucks barista has been widely supported after refusing to make drinks for her entire family following Thanksgiving dinner.
The 28-year-old (u/capitalalarming), who shared her story on Reddit's "Am I The A******" thread, wrote how her former job had turned into an ongoing family expectation. The since-deleted post received over 11,000 upvotes before it was removed.
"I don't mind doing it once in a while, but it's not exactly my favorite thing—especially because I don't have all the equipment or supplies that Starbucks has," she wrote.
The situation came to a head during a Thanksgiving dinner, hosted by her mom.
"This Thanksgiving, my mom hosted dinner and invited a bunch of extended family. After we finished eating, she casually announced, 'OK, everyone, [my name] will be making Starbucks drinks for dessert!' I was totally blindsided. Apparently, she had bought a bunch of syrups, whipped cream, and even a little espresso machine just for this," she wrote.
Caught off guard, the woman told her mom she wasn't willing to make drinks for over 15 people. Her mom, however, said it would be easy for her, given her experience, and even other family members tried to persuade her. Still, she stood firm.
"Now my mom is upset, saying I embarrassed her after she went out of her way to buy all the supplies. Some of my family thinks I was being selfish and that it wouldn't have taken that long. But I just wanted to enjoy the holiday, not work for it. AITA?" she concluded.
Experts Weigh In
Three experts weighed in with Newsweek about the dilemma.
Amie Grant, a licensed professional clinical counselor, highlighted how the situation reflects broader societal issues.
"This Thanksgiving coffee dilemma is a perfect example of how these dynamics play out, often leaving women feeling unseen, overburdened, and resentful. This isn't just about coffee; it's about how women's time and skills are often treated as communal property," Grant said.
She added that asserting boundaries in such situations isn't selfish but rather transformative. "Her refusal shines a light on a larger cultural issue: how society routinely underestimates the labor women perform while simultaneously expecting it to be freely given," Grant said.
Cassie McCarthy, a licensed clinical social worker specializing in relational dynamics, added that reframing selfishness is key.
"Selfishness can be healthy and admirable when it's about prioritizing one's own needs over others' wants," McCarthy said.
She added that the mother could have showcased the supplies and encouraged the family to create their own drinks instead of putting the burden solely on her daughter.
Anne-Sofie Koktved, a relationship therapist, noted the importance of clear communication to avoid such conflicts in the future.
"The mom likely saw this as a way to showcase her daughter's skills and make the day special for everyone, albeit without consulting her," she said.
Koktved suggested setting boundaries in a way that preserves family harmony.
"It's not selfish looking after your needs … it's simply that finding a way to communicate them without making the other person feel dismissed can help preserve family harmony," she said.
Reddit Reacts
Reddit users overwhelmingly backed the woman, commending her for upholding her boundaries.
"That's a really strange family dessert option," one commenter wrote.
Another user suggested charging for the drinks to drive the point home: "Maybe, you should start charging them? That could get them to stop. 'Op [original poster], can I have a pumpkin spice?' 'That would be $6.00 for a grande.' Sometimes, money gets people to stop requesting things."
One former barista weighed in on the logistics: "For 15 drinks, with a little mini home espresso machine you would've been standing there 'pulling shots' that are barely even a real shot for half an hour. Don't even get me started on trying to foam milk with a home machine."
Newsweek reached out to the poster for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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