The Best Role-Play Ideas to Spice Up Your Sex Life, According to Experts

If you've ever wondered how to make your sex life go from good to really good, allow me to suggest some role-play ideas. Though there are multiple ways to spice up your relationship, role-playing can be a pretty accessible and healthy way to explore kink — especially since the fantasy can be as simple or intricate as you'd like.

For some people, they may prefer to come up with easy role-play ideas, like acting as strangers at a bar. Other couples may choose to go all out in costumes and accents in order to fully commit to the role-play idea. Regardless of what you choose, the options are pretty much endless.

Convenience isn't the only reason why role-playing is a great way to enhance your orgasms, though. Sex educator Searah Deysach tells PS that role-playing "may even allow you to tap into new types of sex that your 'real life' self wouldn't think out or feel comfortable asking for."

So what exactly is role-playing? And what are the best role-play ideas? Details on how to have a more fun and adventurous sex life right this way.

Experts Featured in This Article

Searah Deysach is a sex expert and owner of Early to Bed, a feminist sex shop.

Shamyra Howard, LCSW, is a sexologist and AASECT-certified sex therapist

What Is Role-Playing?

Role-playing is a lot like acting. "It's erotic play that allows couples to explore fantasies and add variety to their relationship with or without sex," sex therapist Shamyra Howard says. The whole "adds variety to a relationship" is the key thing here. For many people, sex can become monotonous. By introducing role-play ideas into your sex life, you can bring in a whole new element of excitement. After all, with role-playing, you're not just having sex with your partner — you're having sex with the super-hot police officer who pulled you over.

Depending on what role-play idea you pursue, it's important to know that different characters might surface different interests. If your partner suggests a Christian Grey and Anastasia Steele from "Fifty Shades of Grey" role-play idea, for instance, that may open the door to a conversation you hadn't yet had about BDSM. It also may simply give you an opportunity to switch up your normal intimate love-making routine for the night. When you're inhabiting a character, you'll feel emboldened to get out of your usual pattern — and that's a good thing.

But don't stress too much about the acting itself. Remember, even if you don't get a line or accent right, this is your romantic partner. While role-playing is all about setting the scene, it's OK to laugh and not take it too seriously.

Role-Play Ideas

When it comes to deciding what you want to be or how you want to role-play, you can use movies, TV shows, and books for inspiration. If that isn't quite working, you can also defer to some classic Halloween costumes and go from there. Here are some role-play ideas to get you started, according to our experts:

If you're looking for some storylines to re-create instead of characters, you have options, too. You can act out the following scenarios:

Role-play ideas are pretty much endless, so if you happen to find an old costume in your closet, feel free to improvise with whatever you're working with. However, it's important to note that some of these scenarios play with power structures and taboos. That can be exciting but is another reason that, as with any type of sexual activity, consent and communication are essential when it comes to role-play. More tips on that below.

How to Role-Play

First, it's important to communicate that exploring role-play ideas is something you're interested in trying with your partner. You can initiate that conversation by saying something similar to, "Have you ever thought about role-playing? I saw an article about it today and thought it may be fun to try."

If it's something you and your partner are both down to explore, you can start by discussing role-play ideas. "Decide what the scene is going to be and set some boundaries," Deysach says. For example, "If you are going with a power-dynamic scene like doctor and patient, make sure you both are clear on what is OK to say and what is not." For this reason, you may want to establish a safe word like "red" or "pineapple" to use whenever you want the action to immediately stop.

Once you've discussed your wants, dislikes, limits, and hard boundaries with your partner, it's time to get into character. You and your partner can decide how elaborate or not you want the scene to be, Deysach says. Decide whether you're just going to act the part or look the part, too.

Once all the logistics are figured out, it's time to put all of your work into action. But as noted previously, if you're nervous, don't worry; you don't have to be an Oscar-winning actor to reap the rewards. In fact, Howard says you should embrace the awkwardness of it all. "It's OK if it feels awkward at first. Most things we do feel uncomfortable or different when we first do them. Keep going," she says. And don't be afraid to laugh, smile, and giggle — this is sex with your partner, after all — no need to keep things too serious.

Then, proceed to have sex however you think your character would, and prepare yourself for all the lovely orgasms that await. Yes, it's really that easy.

Taylor Andrews (she/her) is the balance editor at PS, specializing in topics relating to sex, relationships, dating, sexual health, mental health, travel, and more. With seven years of editorial experience, Taylor has a strong background in content creation and storytelling. Prior to joining PS in 2021, she worked at Cosmopolitan.