Every story of the supernatural builds upon lore created by the ones that came before them, taking their own liberties while ensuring that certain things become canon. Not all vampires sparkle in the sunlight like the ones in Twilight but they all do usually have a thirst for blood. The best way to take out a zombie on The Walking Dead (or anywhere else)? A bullet in the head.
Likewise, Ghosts, the CBS comedy in the midst of its fourth season that follows a group of specters (and two living people) who inhabit an upstate New York bed and breakfast, has its own mythos. But this is largely based on oral tradition. “We don’t write anything down,” explains Joe Port, who co-created the show, an American adaptation of a beloved British program, with his writing partner Joe Wiseman. “We should definitely be writing it down,” he continues, referencing the “rules” these specters must abide by in the show’s world. “But we just sort of know it in our heads in the writers’ room, and I think the actors also pretty much know it. Occasionally, there’ll be questions from the set, like, ‘Am I allowed to put my arm on such and such piece of furniture?’ Those discussions are [becoming] less and less as we kind of all become one sort of hive mind about it.”
As far as understanding said rules, Port doesn’t seem too hung up about it: “I think they also joke about that early on in the British series, that some of the rules simply don’t make sense.” He continues, ”Rather than try to explain everything in a probably unsatisfying way, we thought it was better and funnier just to have the ghosts also mystified and frustrated by some of these rules.” This seems like a bit of a risky move, especially since the show keeps adding new ghosts like Mary Holland’s Puritan Patience, who has the creepy power of writing messages on the walls in blood. What’s more, Wiseman promises over Zoom that this season will also introduce the ghost of an animal, a development that will undoubtedly come with its own questions.
So, since no one at Ghosts is apparently writing this down, The A.V. Club did it for them. Behold: the ever-changing but—as of this publishing—definitive list of what the ghosts at Woodstone B&B can and cannot do.
THE OLD HAUNTS
- • Ghosts’ ghosts can sit on furniture and walk through walls. But don’t let them lean against a wall because they might fall through it. (This is the fear that actor Richie Moriarty suspected his character, travel agent Pete, had when he took a plane trip solo in season three. What if Pete took a window seat and then fell asleep?)
- • The worst thing for a ghost is to be stuck in a hole in the ground. Definitely install a trusted buddy system for specters traveling through the ground, as Isaac’s (Brandon Scott Jones) sneeze attack made him let go of Patience’s hand, forcing her to spend a hundred-odd years trapped in the dirt.
- • There are some materials that are impenetrable by ghosts, including a giant vault in a secret passage of the house. Hetty’s philandering husband Elias (Matt Walsh) died there some 100 years ago, and his ghost wasn’t able to escape until a living human unlocked it.
- • Pete is the only ghost who died on the property who can actually leave said property. (See below for a bit more on that.)
OTHERWORLDLY SENSATIONS
- • Ghosts can speak and hear and, to some degree, touch. They can also smell, which is vitally important to them as they cannot taste anything. They are very pleased that one of the living humans in the house, Utkarsh Ambudkar’s Jay, is a chef.
- • They definitely have sex, both with other ghosts and modern-day appliances (a discovery that Rebecca Wisocky’s robber baroness Hetty found to be quite exciting).
- • Most ghosts have “powers” or abilities that correlate to how they died. Viking ghost Thorfinn (Devan Chandler Long) was struck by lightning and can now control electricity. Because he’s a rule-follower and a travel agent who never traveled himself, Pete only recently learned that he can leave the property. Isaac died of dysentery, so those near him might smell an unseemly odor. Hippie Flower (Sheila Carrasco) is still feeling the high she was on when she was mauled by that bear, and she’s happy to share it with any living being who walks through her. The sound of jazz singer Alberta’s (Danielle Pinnock) humming can be heard in the house. Meanwhile, finance bro Trevor (Asher Grodman) is the only ghost who lived to see the computer age and can touch objects. And Sasappis (Román Zaragoza), who likes to start drama and wanted to be a storyteller when he was alive, can enter livings beings’ dreams and impact their decisions through their subconscious.
- • Ghosts can sneeze, but they don’t have allergies or catch colds. Isaac’s poor sneeze timing is something that followed him from his days as a Revolutionary War soldier. Back then, a case of the sniffles made him accidentally discharge his rifle festooned with a telescope. This would be the first, but not the last, time he’d break the heart of British officer Nigel (John Hartman).
- • Ghosts also sleep and, just like living humans, they prefer to do so in their own beds. If they’re moody teen ghosts like Odessa A’zion’s Stephanie, who was murdered by an escaped chainsaw killer on her way to the prom in the 1980s, they snooze most of the time.
- • Although it’s usually painful for them to touch humans, under the right circumstances—like, say, during an electrocution—these ghosts can possess them.
WARDROBE ALTERATIONS
- • Kids are told not to leave the house without clean underwear, lest they get hurt and the hospital staff would see their dirty knickers. Ghosts takes things a step further, forcing the spirits to spend eternity in whatever they were (or were not, in the case of Grodman’s pantsless ghost Trevor) wearing when they died.
- • However, the ghosts can alter their appearances and adjust their accessories (albeit sometimes briefly). Moriarty’s Pete can remove the arrow lodged in his neck, and he may have kept it out longer if he’d known the move would cause a She’s All That-like thirst trap sensation for jazz singer Alberta. His widow Carol (Caroline Aaron), who conveniently also died on the property, comes with a coveted possession: her purse. She died with it on her, so everything inside it is fair game to the ghosts, including a butterscotch candy that other specters can enjoy if she holds it for them.
- • Similarly, ghosts spend their afterlife with all the body parts they had when they bit the dust. 1950s motorcycle greaser Crash (Alex Boniello) died by decapitation, so his head is permanently separated from his body. But any other body parts he or any other ghost loses now will automatically be regenerated.
- • Money means nothing to ghosts, since any cash they carried with them into the afterlife is stuck with them for eternity. But back rubs? Those are the true ghost currency. They’ve also established their own judicial system.
WANDERING SPIRITS
- • Not all ghosts are homebodies. Sasappis briefly dated Jessica (Nichole Sakura), the ghost of a woman who died in her car and now goes only where it goes. Lamorne Morris played a lovesick poltergeist named Saul who died after he was hit with a bat while playing in the Negro Leagues. A bit of a clinger, Saul’s shtick is that he is stuck to a living human.
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