Cause and effect is The Franchise’s strongest suit—and perhaps its only suit. One small, seemingly insignificant moment among cast and crew triggers a domino effect of increasingly untenable situations until the series’ multi-million-dollar movie production is once again derailed. It’s easily the show’s mightiest source of laughs. For instance, take the Reality Crystal, that glittery McGuffin prop lifted from the set by The Gurgler (Nick Kroll) last week, which resulted in a continuity war with Centurios 2 and yet another surreal round of rewrites for Tecto: Eye Of The Storm. (Who knew Aaron Sorkin was such a trooper?)
Of course, cause and effect suggests a natural order to the Tecto biosphere, and we know that is far from the case. Chaos begets chaos in The Franchise, and “Scene 16: Eric’s Hospital Scene” might be the series’ most chaotic installment yet.
Last week, put-upon director Eric (Daniel Brühl) received news that his Crystal, Tecto’s final source of artistic subtext, would become a plot-centric trinket for Maximum Studios’ superhero jamboree Centurios 2. It was too much for him to bear. (There was also something about the Centurios crew stealing swordfish from Eric’s craft-service table.) So Eric crashed a golf cart into the set of Maximum’s most valued production. Cause, meet effect.
As Jon Brown’s cape-movie satire keeps track of its continuity (much more effectively, I will say, than Marvel Studios, the source of most of the show’s bile), naturally, there was no way that The Franchise wasn’t going to address Eric’s career-decimating cliffhanger last week. The only question was how executive producer Pat (Darren Goldstein), no stranger to chaotic derailment himself, would retaliate against Tecto, for there is no decision Pat makes that isn’t born from spite. “Fox in the chicken coop,” Dag (Lolly Adefope) alerts the set, an apt metaphor for Pat’s arrival at the actor’s studio nook, where we see Adam (Billy Magnussen) and Peter (Richard E. Grant) only barely tolerating each other’s presence. What, or who, could Pat possibly want for his pound of flesh? Sorry, Adam; it’s Peter.
“Your director kamikaze’d himself into our tentpole,” Pat reminds Anita (Aya Cash) with his typical social grace. “I’d love to shout at Eric until my jaw pops, but sadly, Scott Rudin fucked it for all of us, so I can’t!” Surely, letting Peter hop over to the larger movie set for a day will smooth things between these warring productions? After all, as Bryson (Isaac Powell) mentions with an appropriately tangible sense of fear, Maximum’s faceless big cheese, Shane, hates it when his movies fight. So, as Tecto’s top producer, Anita is obliged to oblige, and Pat, smelling blood in the water, takes the opportunity to foist yet another studio edict on her: product placement for Chinese farming equipment. (Since the U.S. box office isn’t sustainable, China is willing to bolster Tecto should Maximum offer the appropriate “reach-around,” as Pat puts it.) Considering Tecto‘s superpowered deal is making the ground move, surely that won’t prove too difficult?
Let’s go back to cause and effect. While Centurios 2 hoses Peter down with blue makeup for whatever reason, Eric can focus on his dramatic hospital scene with Adam without notes from the British one-man peanut gallery. In another universe, this would have been a fine time to discover just how essential that theater hack of Shakespearean proportions is to the production (which is to say, not at all) or explore the black hole Peter leaves in his absence. I might have enjoyed seeing a different side of Adam, more relaxed now that his rival is out of view, or some kind of character work that might otherwise get me to care about these hapless sad sacks. No such luck. Big cause, no effect.
Nor does this week’s episode find much interest in unearthing how a dramatic scene such as this might affect the psychologically brittle Adam, who instead is seen stressing over his rate of blinking and, in the series’ most bizarre and messy subplot yet (both figuratively and literally), requests that Dag poop for him. (It seems Jonah Hill turned Adam on to fecal transplants, a hot health fad for the idle rich.) At least Dag finally gets something to do! I suppose future episodes will tell whether Dag’s heavy assignment bears fruit for Adam.
At least The Franchise keeps finding new lines for Eric to draw in the sand. This week, it’s his big hospital scene. “[It’s a] sugar cube for the donkey,” Daniel (Hamish Patel) says to Dag in an uncharacteristic show of disrespect to Eric, who he refers to as “The Director,” jerkass finger quotes and all. Maybe he’s just sour about the peril Eric’s show of force against the Maximum powers-that-be has put his production in, or maybe it’s just to highlight that this scene is worthless, destined for the cutting room floor (or digital trash bin). Either way, Eric is swanning. “They’re calling me the badass Wes Anderson!” he says, buzzing with newfound confidence. “Maybe I like the way it feels! Swinging the dick around? Ding-dong!”
As Eric is clearly free to shoot this hospital scene after last week’s shenanigans instead of, say, looking for commercial work in his native Germany, it’s somewhat exhilarating to see him flex on set for a change, as opposed to retreating into his trailer for a nappy whenever Pat shows up. “I would like to fire the sound man! He’s wearing the indoor scarf—I thought only directors wore the indoor scarf!” He will pay for this hubris.
Indeed, Eric’s enmity towards the unnamed sound guy has its own surprising consequences, and I’ll get to those in due course. For now, the effects of Pat’s tractor edict emerge: Daniel tells Anita that the director’s former ad-man days in Germany continue to dog him, that the fearsome Redditors still call him “The Cheese-Man Of Düsseldorf.” How will Eric respond to the small fleet of Chinese tractors being wheeled onto his cosmic superhero soundstage? “It’s the worst thing I have ever seen,” he says. Product placement, thy name is Tecto.
I feel like the answer to this tractor dilemma is staring everyone in the face. Nobody needs to conjure a ridiculous plot detail to justify the onscreen existence of these distinctive (and reliable!) pieces of farm equipment. In fact, they need not appear anywhere near Tecto’s spaceship at all. Eric’s hospital death scene is set on Earth! Surely, there’s a pathway to making all parties—the Communist Party of China included—happy? Which is all to say: This show’s heavy reliance on cause and effect has become sourly predictable. Daniel convinces Eric to agree to precisely this arrangement, which, really, is best for everyone: Maximum gets its Chinese box office, and Eric gets to keep his hospital scene. The tractors are a peace offering from on high. Ironically, it’s both Eric’s salvation and Tecto’s last hope to make some cash before it’s shunted to some crappy streaming platform where it will languish in obscurity for the rest of time.
But before anyone starts thinking The Franchise is finally releasing its death grip on the poor souls of Tecto, Eric’s tractor two-fer is just a prelude to his latest ill-advised crash-and-burn. It turns out Xan Van Dusen, Centurios 2’s hot-shot director, refused Eric’s second tractor as a protest to China for reasons we can only infer, which sends Eric, already high on his own supply, into a froth to publicly outdo his rival. Snatching Daniel’s set microphone—connected to some sensitive sound equipment, surely—Eric lets his tirade on the People’s Republic fly like Tecto on his invisible jackhammer. “Fuck pandas!” he says, a sentiment that leaks onto the homepage of Variety courtesy of Tecto’s disgruntled sound guy.
Had our beleaguered German auteur just eaten yet another dry hunk of Maximum cod—or “swallowed [their] load,” as Daniel so elegantly put it earlier in the episode—he might have shot his beloved hospital sequence with no further incident. But no. He announces, “This is my death scene! It’s not a piece of fucking farming pornography!” If his goal was to have Pat direct Tecto over his shoulder, as he does from Cleveland (via a tablet held by oh-so-helpful Bryson), then mission accomplished.
At least this easily avoidable turn of events works out for Rufus (Justin Edwards), the versatile Tecto extra who finally gets a chance to shine in Eric’s impromptu Chinese milk commercial. Honestly? Good for him. At least someone is happy.
Stray observations
- • I feel Daniel’s tolerance for Dag’s ceaseless digs is nearing critical mass. “Peck peck peck,” he says. Rude!
- • That nameless brunette finally gets camera time as Tecto’s dead wife! I wonder if her credit on the film will refer to her as “Dead wife.”
- • Who do you think will play Shane, Maximum’s shadowy honcho? My money’s on Will Ferrell.
- • I’m guessing Eric will have to endure an on-set visit by Tecto‘s creator sooner or later. Or maybe I’m wrong, and The Franchise has plenty of richer cape-production-hell ore to mine. What’s the next story arc, then? Let’s see, they’ve already done costume/makeup snafus, sexual harassment, Chinese appeasement, continuity havoc….
- • More questions on my way out: Now that we’re past the halfway point, how are you feeling about The Franchise? Will Anita and Daniel ever rekindle their torrid romance, or is this show too busy for such things? Will Dag’s poo incident come back to haunt her? Shouldn’t The Gurgler’s romantic feelings for Adam be more important to our Tecto star than it seems to be (which is to say, not at all)?
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