The Surprising Way Sobriety Changed My Social Life

It's been almost five months since I decided to stop drinking alcohol, and it has completely changed my social life — but not at all in the way I thought it would.

What started as a moment of "I'm not supposed to drink right away while trying this new medication" turned over time into "maybe I actually don't want to drink ever again."

When my doctor initially recommended I take a break from alcohol, it seemed like the end of socialization as I knew it. I'd have to go to Halloween parties, my college homecoming tailgate, and all future first dates completely sober? No way.

Of course, my biggest fear as a single 20-something woman living in a major city was that not drinking was going to kill my social life — both with friends who I frequently hung out with in bar and party settings and prospective romantic partners who I would never dream of meeting for the first time without having a drink or two to calm my nerves.

But as my journey proves, being more intentional with your own choices can be a powerful way of making deeper connections with the people around you. I feared being sober would make me feel anxious and seem boring, but I've never felt so comfortable meeting new people, telling a funny story at a party, and spending quality time with people I care about.

How Going Sober Improved My Self-Confidence in Social Situations

I've always been super tall (6'2", and yes, I played basketball), and my body was a major source of discomfort growing up. My height ensured that I was always more visible in the ways I didn't want to be, and it made me eternally afraid that boys wouldn't be interested in someone who towered over all the other girls in her class.

Drinking for the first time finally allowed an avenue for me to drown out those voices in my head telling me I was too different or not cool enough or whatever else my anxiety felt like throwing at me that day. And so my social outings in college and post-grad often consisted of having enough drinks that I wasn't constantly worrying about what other people thought of me.

Quitting alcohol has forced me to properly sit with those feelings I've tried to push aside for years. What was I so afraid of that I didn't think I could handle it sober? Drinking, it turned out, was an attempt to chase a sense of belonging; I was hoping to finally feel like I was wanted in social spaces where a younger, less-confident version of myself would feel insecure.

Spoiler alert, younger me: You were actually welcome in those spaces all along.

I have since gone through all of those social events that I didn't think I could possibly do without at least a drink or two — parties, tailgates, dates, nights out at crowded bars. I recently spent New Year's Eve at a bustling house party, filled with several people I was friends with but many more I had never met. I chose to wear my favorite heels — making me 6'5" that evening, for those keeping score. A younger me would have been terrified to do so out of fear of drawing unnecessary attention to how much I loom over everyone else.

I was the tallest person at the party. Guess what, teenage Hannah? The world kept spinning.

At one point just before midnight, a slightly shorter but still tall woman approached me, hyping me up in the way only a drunk girl can, telling me how much she loved my shoes.

"It's so cool that you're wearing those. I could never find the confidence to do that," she said. She meant it as a compliment, and I took it as one. But right before we rang in a new year, it felt like a Ghost of New Year's Past had made one last visit to close out that old chapter of my life. How many times at how many social events over the years had I repeated that same sort of narrative to myself?

How Sobriety Has Shaped My Friendships and Dating Life

Ultimately, I've found that not drinking has actually made me feel more included than I ever have. I feel closer to my friends. After being nervous about how this choice might impact our time together, their support has solidified that I've chosen the right people to be around.

They make sure to invite me to nights out anyway, helping to ensure I can still find a fun little mocktail and never making me feel like an "other" for changing my mind about alcohol in a world where it's at the center of so many social events.

That's another tip I have for others who are sober-curious: Finding a few non-alcoholic drink options that you like is super important — if I can sip on a Shirley Temple all night, I am set. I have another friend who's newly sober, and testing out a wide variety of canned mocktails together has been so much fun.

When it comes to dating, it turns out that if I wouldn't go on a date with someone without having a couple drinks to feel comfortable, we probably shouldn't be going out in the first place. I've become so much more intentional about making sure I'm only spending time with people who I think would be a genuinely good match.

Granted, I've gone on fewer dates since going sober. But a large part of that is due to the fact that I'm being so much more intentional about whom I'm matching with on dating apps. No more 3 a.m. drunken swipes right — that usually only led to dates I would go on just to say I was putting myself out there, not with guys who I genuinely was interested in getting to know. I've also started to shift away from the apps in favor of putting a greater emphasis on connecting with people IRL.

This decision to stop drinking actually turned out to be the best barometer for who I should be surrounding myself with. That, in turn, helped me grow into a much more confident version of myself who cares less and less what other people think of me.

None of this is to knock anybody for continuing to drink. We all have different reasons behind why we do anything, and far be it from me to tell you to change something if it works fine for you. But I'm grateful that this initially temporary lifestyle change helped me to get more in touch with myself and recognize what I was doing out of anxiety instead of authenticity.

I know now that if I'm spending time with the right people, I don't feel like I need to be drunk to feel comfortable in my own shoes.

Hannah Yasharoff is a journalist based in Washington, DC specializing in entertainment, wellness, and lifestyle topics. Previously, she was an entertainment and wellness reporter at USA Today for more than five years before serving as a health and wellness reporter for The Messenger.