A woman who was fired from the maid-of-honor position after spending thousands in preparation has been supported after demanding money back from the bride.
Experts and online commentators alike have backed the woman, with one psychologist telling Newsweek: "Asking for a refund isn't tacky; it's common sense."
The woman, who did not give her name but writes to Reddit under the username TelephoneConstant270, gave the bride's name as Claire, and said that they had been best friends since high school.
Initially "thrilled" to be her maid of honor, she spent thousands of dollars on the bridal shower, bachelorette party and other expenses, because the bride is "like family to me."
But when the woman learned she was pregnant, the bride was less than thrilled, and started becoming distant, dropping passive-aggressive comments about people being distracted before the big day.
Then, the woman wrote, the bride sat her down and told her she could not be in the wedding—because she's getting "too fat" and won't fit the "vision" for the wedding.
Relationship psychologist Veronica West, founder of My Thriving Mind, told Newsweek that the bride "needs to learn that friendship doesn't come with an aesthetic requirement."
"Let's face it: Real friends celebrate each other, and they certainly don't sideline you for daring to grow a tiny human," West said.
The woman continued on Reddit's r/AmITheA*****e sub: "I was devastated. I asked if this was about my pregnancy, but she insisted it wasn't personal. She said she was replacing me as MOH [maid of honor] with another friend who fit her 'aesthetic'."
However, rather than stepping quietly aside, the woman told the brides that she would not be attending the wedding, and sent the bride and her fiance the bill for everything she has spent so far, demanding to be reimbursed. The bride "flipped out, calling me selfish and accusing me of trying to ruin her wedding," and said it was "tacky" to ask for money back.
But psychologist West defended the woman, telling Newsweek: "You shelled out a lot to support her dream wedding, and if she's going to cut you from the lineup for not meeting her new standards, she's effectively canceled your RSVP as her right-hand woman."
West added that this "vision wasn't disclosed when you were handed the maid-of-honor title," telling her to think of it as "returning an outfit that didn't fit."
The poster is now being bombarded with texts and calls from the bride, her fiance, and friends, accusing her of being "petty" or overreacting due to pregnancy hormones, and urging her to let go of the money.
While the poster feels "heartbroken and humiliated," and her husband is "furious," she was left unsure of whether asking for the money back was the right choice, and went to Reddit for advice.
And they responded in a big way, upvoting the post more than 13,000 times since it was posted on November 12, and reassuring the woman she was completely in the right. One poster said that she was "damn right to ask for that money back," and praising her for "standing up for yourself."
And another user said the woman should double down on being "tacky": "Send the bills to the new MOH and tell her to pay the cost for the position."
Several suggested the woman bring her former friend to small claims court if she didn't pay her back, while one said that weddings "turn people into monsters."
Luxury wedding photographer John Ether told Newsweek: "The MOH learned a valuable lesson that only cost her a few thousand dollars; the bride doesn't consider her a friend, and neither do the people spamming her with calls and texts.
"Moving forward, the maid of honor should tread carefully if she wants to continue her friendship with any of these people as this incident has revealed how they really feel about her."
The average cost for a wedding, not taking into account the bachelorette or bachelor party, or bridal shower, was $35,000 in the United States in 2023, according to wedding site The Knot.
Has a wedding come between your relationship with a loved one? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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