Your Election Grief Is Valid - Here’s How to Navigate It

Grief is likely not the first word that comes to mind when thinking about post-election emotions. It's typically a word associated with the loss of a loved one. But for many people this past election, and more specifically a Kamala Harris presidency, represented an opportunity for change and restoration of certain rights, freedoms, and safeties. Now, they're grieving what could have been.

Grief is a normal human emotion to experience after significant world events that signify an impending loss of hopes, values, and a sense of certainty. This is a unique form of grief, as it is both personal and societal. Processing this kind of grief is challenging, since it's connected to broader social beliefs and political systems — things that feel largely out of an individual person's control.

If I'm being honest, though, your post-election grief journey is likely just getting started. You will feel difficult emotions come in waves — from now to inauguration day and well into Donald Trump's presidency. If you're the type of person who reacts to grief by jumping into action and feels better if they are busy, I urge you to tap out of this toxic productivity mindset and be still — to really sit with your emotions instead of trying to solve them away. On the other hand, if you are the type of person who can get caught up in ruminations and feel paralyzed by your difficult emotions, I urge you to find balance and engage in small actions to feel better.

Ultimately, the grief process takes time and often involves several stages. Ahead, I'd like to offer you two different frameworks to help you understand and navigate your emotions.

Framework 1: The Five Stages of Grief

The five stages of grief, a model developed by Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, offers a staged process of experiencing and managing emotions. The five stages include denial, anger, bargaining, sadness, and acceptance. Everyone moves through these stages differently. You may even move back and forth between these stages, fluctuating unexpectedly between a range of emotions. That's OK, too. Ahead, I've shared a breakdown of each stage and how to cope when you're in it.

Denial

This is a defense mechanism that protects you by acting like an emotional buffer between you and what's causing you pain. Denial helps soften the initial emotional impact of the news. You might find yourself thinking, "This can't be happening", or "Maybe the results will change, they'll do a recount", or avoid the news altogether.

How to cope: Allow yourself this time to adjust, but set boundaries on your avoidance. For example, limit when you consume news and find ways to remain informed. Or, you can engage in conversations with certain safe people but not on social media (where things can quickly spiral out of control).

Anger

Anger is a protective mechanism that is trying to save us from pain such as disappointment or feeling threatened. After the initial shock of the election results wears off, you might find yourself feeling angry. This is normal. How you engage with and express your anger is a choice you make.

How to cope: Find and engage with healthy outlets for your anger such as physical activity, being with community, or creative expression. Avoid getting into blame-oriented conversations, 'what about-isms', and comparisons as they are not constructive to processing anger (even if it feels like it).

Bargaining

Bargaining is an intellectual exercise we all engage in when we feel trapped by our circumstances. It is your mind trying to find a solution or control in an uncertain situation. You might find your mind wandering into "what if . . ." and "if only . . ." scenarios, or questioning what could have been done differently. However, bargaining ultimately leaves you feeling frustrated and emotionally exhausted.

How to cope: Bargaining is focused on all the things you can't control. So, to cope, find things you can control in this situation. Perhaps it is connecting with others who are feeling the same and starting a support circle. Or it can even simply be setting time boundaries with how much you engage with bargaining thoughts.

Sadness

This happens when the true reality of the situation sets in. You might experience emotional exhaustion, deep sadness, or disillusionment.

How to cope: There are two important things to do in this stage:

Acceptance

At this stage, you have processed all the different emotions you might be feeling, and begin to take steps towards integrating the new reality into your life. Remember, acceptance doesn't mean being "OK" with the outcome, but rather acknowledging it as a truth. You might start feeling ready to adapt to the new reality and look forward.

How to cope: Reflect on what you can do moving forward, such as engaging in activities that align with your values or connecting with others who share similar beliefs. By focusing on what you can contribute, you can reclaim a sense of agency and resilience.

Remember, grief isn't a linear process; you might revisit certain stages or experience mixed emotions throughout this journey.

Framework 2: Dual-Process Grief Coping

Some people may not feel their emotions in the stages I described above. Instead, they move back and forth between feeling and doing. This is the dual-process of grief coping, developed by Margaret Stroebe and Hank Schut. In this process, you might have moments of intense feelings of grief over the election and what it might mean that leave you feeling depleted, unable to engage with anything or anyone. Then, you might have moments where you are able to tap into energy and find ways to adapt to your routine and responsibilities. This dual-process of grief coping is also referred to as loss-focused coping and restoration-focused coping. What's important to remember is that you will go back and forth between these two states; that's normal — you don't have to pick one. Here's how to navigate both.

Loss-focused coping:

This part of the grieving is focused directly on the loss itself — processing emotions like sadness, anger, or confusion, disappointment, sense of betrayal, or fear over the uncertainty. It's the side of grief where you might actively process the impact of the loss.

How to cope: Give yourself permission to feel whichever emotion is coming up for you, without judging or shaming yourself. You don't have to feel one specific emotion, and there is no "right" or "wrong" emotion.

Restoration-focused coping:

This is the state when you feel engaged and hopeful, are able to manage practical tasks, and feel ready to adjust to life changes brought on by the loss.

How to cope: Focus on actions within your control. Set small, achievable goals that will make you feel empowered — like learning about specific policies or connecting with advocacy groups.

When it comes to coping through grief, I find it helpful to create two lists of self-care plans. One for the days or moments you're in the loss-focused state and one for when you are in the restoration-focused state.

This way of processing grief is about honoring both the emotional impact of the loss and taking actionable steps to engage in a way that aligns with your values. I personally really like this framework because it offers a realistic view of grief as a balancing act, where both processing loss and finding ways to adapt are part of healing.

Dealing With Compounded Grief

It has to be said that the post-election grief is further compounded into complex grief for many people who have been holding space for the grief from Gaza, the Congo, Afghanistan, Sudan and Ukraine (to name just a few of the geopolitical crises taking place concurrently). There's also the grief triggered by climate change-induced natural disasters (both internationally and here in the United States). Not to mention things happening in people's personal lives: breakups, job losses, family members passing.

Just remember: grief, pain, and loss are not mutually exclusive, nor are they hierarchical. Feeling grief over one issue doesn't mean you cannot feel grief for another or that you prioritize one pain over the other. The current situation feels untenable because people are experiencing what's known as cognitive dissonance.

Cognitive dissonance is when we experience tension because we are holding two conflicting emotions or ideas together and we feel pressure to choose one over the other. In such trying times, it's extremely important to allow yourself to feel what emotions are coming up day by day, instead of trying to force yourself to feel in any one singular way.

Looking Ahead

Be gentle with yourself and seek support as needed. I'd suggest making a plan with friends to regularly check-in with each other, or setting up pre-scheduled times to meet up. When we are in community, we heal stronger. In fact, the roots of self-care are found in community care, as explained by writer Audre Lorde. I would also recommend picking a slightly engaging activity, such as a puzzle, crafting, or making LEGOs, that can help you occupy your mind and engage your senses while giving you time to decompress.

Processing grief is an ongoing journey, but with self-compassion and healthy coping mechanisms, you can find a path forward that honors both your emotions and your values. And if you're in need of mental health resources along the way, here are two that offer immediate support:

Israa Nasir is a New York City-based psychotherapist and author of "Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time and Energy in a World That Always Demands More." Israa received her undergraduate degree in psychology at the University of Toronto and her master's in counseling at Adelphi University in New York. She is also certified in cognitive behavior therapy and rational emotive behavioral therapy. Israa is a PS Council member.