17 Brutal Sharp-Tongued Old Hollywood Burns That Have Me Looking For The Aloe

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"I often wish I could turn your head...on a spit...over a slow fire."

I'm a fan of old movies, mostly musicals. Because of this, I never realized old dramas have the most wickedly cold insults ever, and I kind of love them. Please enjoy!

1. Joan Crawford's excellent one-word burn in Female on the Beach (1955).

Person asks, "How do you like your coffee in the morning?" Another responds, "Alone."

2. Annabelle's perfect response in House on Haunted Hill (1959).

A woman tells a man not to be disturbed by ghosts, to which he replies that she's the only ghoul in the house

3. This snappy little one-liner from All About Eve (1950).

Two women talking; top text mentions "domestic gin," bottom text jokes about accidentally ordering "the guests."

4. Jayne Mansfield's line from Will Success Spoil Rock Hunter? (1957), which I think I'm going to use a lot from now on.

5. This quote from How To Marry A Millionaire (1953) totally gets the "ask dumb questions, get dumb answers" vibe.

Two people sitting in a diner exchange thoughts on money and happiness. A man replies that money doesn't automatically bring happiness, but isn't depressing either

6. Lady Lou's excellent quip from She Done Him Wrong (1933).

Two people in elegant clothing exchange witty dialogue about holding hands in a vintage film scene

7. This absolutely brutal insult from Lisa Fellini in Come September (1961).

"When you get to the terrace, would you do me a favour? - Sure. - Jump off."

8. This awesome quip that put Émile in his place really quickly in Une Femme Est Une Femme (1961).

Woman criticizes man's tartan skirt. He responds he's not trying to please anyone

9. Cary Grant's "I'm not having it" response from North By Northwest (1959).

Two men in an office; one asks if there's a problem with the other's eyes. The other replies, "Yes, they're sensitive to questions."

10. This very rare self-burn in Monsieur Verdoux (1947).

Movie scene with a woman in a hat saying, "However, tell me about yourself." A man responds, "I prefer to talk about something pleasant."

11. James Stewart's suuuuuper backhanded compliment in Rear Window (1954).

Two people are talking indoors. Person in a wheelchair wishes to be creative. Other person responds sarcastically

12. This Uno reverse card from I Love You Again (1940).

A woman responds sarcastically to a man's flattery, wishing to turn his head over a slow fire

13. This blunt wake-up call from Night Train to Munich (1940).

Two black-and-white film stills showing a man and a woman having a conversation in a bedroom. Subtitles present their dialogue

14. Bing Crosby's "settle down, Danny Kaye" response to this line in White Christmas (1954).

Two men in a conversation. One man confuses the other with a complex sentence, leading to a humorous reply

15. This crushing reply in The Fountainhead (1949).

Two men in mid-20th century attire converse in a construction site. One says, "Why don't you tell me what you think of me?" The reply: "But I don't think of you."

16. This response from Cary Grant in Suspicion (1941) I'm going to remember the next time a random stranger asks me to smile.

A man in a hat comments on another man's smile; the second man responds humorously

17. Finally, this totally PG yet incredibly effective name-calling from The Asphalt Jungle (1950).

A woman in an elegant off-the-shoulder dress speaks to a man in a trench coat and hat. Subtitles read, "Haven't you bothered me enough, you big banana-head?"

Do you have a favorite movie comeback? One you quote all the time? Tell us in the comments below!

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