Amazon wants you to Buy it Now with this discount Shark Tank knock-off

Somehow, the new show Buy It Now is not a reality TV format created by Amazon to sell products on Amazon, using the actual “Buy Now” button, all via Amazon’s Prime Video.

Okay, yes, that’s what it will do; people appearing on the show pitch products and, if the pitch is successful, their products will end up on a special Buy it Now store page on Amazon.

But although such a TV show seems designed just to increase Amazon’s profits, and even has the similar name to that button, the show and its name are adapted from a daytime TV format from the UK that had nothing to do with Amazon.

Still, Buy It Now comes across as a half-baked Shark Tank knock-off, a series that grossly misunderstands the appeal of the ABC reality series.

One of the first products, The Lookie Lou, is a version of The Pooch Selfie was on Shark Tank during season 10 in 2019, so everything feels like a pale copy.

Christian Siriano is one of Buy it Now’s guest panelists/judges/whatevers (Photo by Michael Becker/Prime Video)

Buy It Now debuts today with three episodes, with new episodes each Wednesday, alongside the weak reboot of Are You Smarter Than a Fifth Grader?

Its best idea is its audience focus group, which it calls “The 100” because it ran out of new ideas after that.

Each of the 100 audience members sits next to a large, phallic pole and watches as an entrepreneur pitch an existing, already-in-production product in just 90 seconds.

During that time, audience members can turn their pole green if they like the product, and red if they do not. If at least 10 of them are green, then the person moves on.

The audience can change their vote then, or at any time, which is the most interesting part. When the inventor/entrepreneur reveals the product’s price, will that change the votes? What about the answer to a question?

Both audience members and a panel ask those questions. In the anchor seat is Jamie Siminoff, creator of the worst product ever pitched on Shark Tank. Having created a surveillance state in our neighborhoods that he then sold to Amazon—of course—he’s now bringing the personality of a doorbell to television.

Buy It Now’s first panel: Amazon exec Carmen Nestares Pleguezuelo, bored-looking Ring founder Jamie Siminoff, and Goop-tastic Gwyneth Paltrow (Photo by Michael Becker/Prime Video)

The other two seats are filled with rotating panelists: always one Amazon exec and one celebrity. Gwyneth Paltrow, Christian Siriano, and Anthony Anderson are among the celebs.

Amazon exec Carmen Nestares says “great presentation” after a pitch that got cut off and called for time. Psst, Carmen: That’s not a great presentation.

Gwyneth may be the biggest surprise; she asks some good questions! And even seems relatable when she discusses how her college-aged kids would like a drinking game that’s being pitched. Then again, she also coughs up generic lines such as, “You are the embodiment of what an American entrepreneur is, and can do.”

If two of the three panelists agree, the product goes into the store; with the Amazon exec as one vote, most things end up getting accepted.

There is a glaring omission: what that actually means. Is the entrepreneur giving up anything? Do they get the same profit they would if they just added their product to Amazon? Is Amazon taking a bigger cut or some kind of ownership?

Buy It Now doesn’t say. The show really doesn’t know what it is other than a pipeline to get us to buy stuff. It’s like someone watched the pitches on Shark Tank and thought that was the most-interesting part; of course, Shark Tank works because of the high-stakes negotiation that follows.

At some point, host JB Smoove lays out the “criteria,” which he describes as “the four Ps: pitch, product, popularity, and problem-solving ability.” Then he adds another: “based on the fifth and most important P of all: potential.” Did no one count the Ps before writing his script? And why are those dropped so quickly?

The panel has one other role: at the end of the episode, they choose one person to give $20,000 to. That’s nice, even if it is obvious who’s going to get it.

Navigating through all this back and forth is JB Smoove, who’s horribly miscast. He’s a great comedic actor, and as host of the conversational show Four Courses with JB Smoove, he was terrific, relaxed and comfortable; here, stilted and not calibrated to the show’s needs. The cadence of his comedy does not work for all the information he has to deliver.

He is better at improvised reactions, though a little sharper than the moment calls for. In the first episode, JB Smoove hammers the one person in the audience who leaves turns their light red. “Here’s the crazy part. It’s the same guy. He’s a stubborn ass,” Smoove says. “He’s a hater—hater. Somethin’ got to be wrong with him.”

The actual conversation is also weird, starting with how much dead air there is, with no music or anything to fill it in.

The panelists ask investor-like questions even though there is no investment. It’s like they forgot this is not actually Shark Tank. The best questions—and this is where Gwyneth surprised me—are just about the products themselves.

But they let too much go. In a later episode, an inventor Matthew pitches his socks, Skunk Skin, which allegedly remove foot odor. He calls this “all natural, science-based, no chemicals.” What is a science-based sock, Matthew? The sharks would tear him apart.

At best, Buy It Now is fun for some light mocking, and the judges aren’t even good with that. One product is literally called Super Dirt Ballers—and it’s a food! And the inventor says things like, “They’re all in our Ballers”! C’mon!

The questions should be better, and the threshold for getting into the Buy It Now store should be higher. I think at least half the audience should like the pitch for the person to move on, or else the show should move on. Too many just flick their light on, though that gave me the opportunity to yell at them—don’t be so gullible!—which was fun.

Somehow this comes from The Traitors, The Circle, and Naked Attraction producers Studio Lambert, and is probably an illustration of just how dire things are in Hollywood right now. Celebrity, studio, show. I’m glad people got work; I wish the result was better.

Their UK format was quite different: an audience green light meant the audience member agreed to buy the thing with their own money. They could change their mind after hearing the price. If at least one audience member purchased, then the panel considered it. But in the UK, they were a panel of three retailers, including someone from Amazon, who considered whether to stock the product in their stores.

If no one wanted to buy a product, a new pitch began. That’s the kind of speed Buy It Now needs.

I do like the Amazon version’s switch to using the audience more as a focus group than as actual buyers, though it’s much easier to press a button if it doesn’t mean paying for something. But I suspect the only button that matters for this show is the one on Amazon that will make Jeff Bezos even richer so he can fly around in his penis rocket after prostrating himself to a fascist.