The internet has rallied behind a woman for refusing to attend her brother's surprise party after it was planned at her home without her consent.
Redditor U/AllexiaAngel, a 33-year-old woman, shared her dilemma in the subreddit AITAH (Am I The A*****), where her post garnered over 11,000 upvotes.
She explained how her mother decided to host the 30th birthday celebration for her son at the poster's home, citing its size and central location. However, this plan was made three weeks in advance without consulting her.
"This was the first I'd heard of it, and they hadn't asked for my permission beforehand. I was immediately overwhelmed because my partner has been recovering from surgery, and our house is hardly in a state for hosting," she wrote.
"I told my mom that hosting wasn't possible and suggested a few alternative venues. She got upset and said everything was already arranged and changing locations last minute would be too complicated. Feeling cornered, I stood my ground and said they needed to relocate the party or scale it down."
Her family expressed frustration, and her brother, who eventually learned about the surprise party, called her "selfish." The event was eventually moved to a cousin's house, but the atmosphere remained frosty, with relatives acting passive-aggressively toward her absence.
"I feel terrible for missing the party and causing such a commotion but also frustrated that my boundaries were disregarded. AITA for not hosting the party at my house and choosing to skip it altogether?" she wrote.
Expert Insight
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a New York City-based neuropsychologist and school psychologist, told Newsweek: "The woman needs to sit down with her family for an open and calm dialogue.
"She needs to share how important her brother is but reaffirm that she could not host due to her partner's recovery requirements.
"She should validate their feelings while staying true to her own limits. She should propose earlier group planning involving the whole family to prevent future disagreements and express her regrets for hurting anyone. Good communication with understanding helps us restore trust and respect after feelings are hurt."
Hafeez added that this scenario highlights how families sometimes struggle with respecting boundaries while maintaining empathy. By refusing to host, the woman challenged behaviors her family may have taken for granted, leading to friction.
"Examining how her needs might be overlooked will help her forge healthier family dynamics. Rather than hosting another party, she could demonstrate care by planning a separate celebration for her brother. Setting boundaries does not signal a lack of love; it promotes trust and peace," she said.
Reddit Reacts
Social media users overwhelmingly supported the woman's decision.
"I equally wish OP peace of mind because she really deserves it. In all, OP is NTA," one user commented.
"Wtf organizes a whole ass party in someone's house without permission? That's just insane. There are definitely some real boundary issues here. NTA in any way," another person wrote.
"Whoever brought that whole idea up and didn't even think of informing OP first is the biggest AH of all. And OP has very valid reasons why she cannot allow a surprise party at the moment," wrote one commenter.
Newsweek reached out to u/U/AllexiaAngel for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
Newsweek's "What Should I Do?" offers expert advice to readers. If you have a personal dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice on relationships, family, friends, money and work and your story could be featured on WSID at Newsweek.
English (US) ·