A Reddit user's story of a post-wedding demand has sparked outrage online.
User u/CherFromCluelessIRL shared their experience at a friend and colleague's lavish wedding on the community r/weddingshaming. Despite not being particularly close to the colleague, the guest shelled out thousands on travel expenses to be part of the big day, only to be met with a surprising email one year later. Newsweek spoke to wedding planner Wendee Vezzetti about whether or not the request in the email was reasonable.
"Worth it," the original poster (OP) initially wrote of the wedding. "Totally fun to be part of her big day." But the joy turned to disbelief a year later when the OP received an email from the bride's assistant telling them that the couple had not received a wedding gift and that the one-year mark was approaching.
"I guess it doesn't matter—you're always supposed to buy a gift, and I hadn't—but they are multimillionaires, and I'm far from it," the OP wrote about the situation. Feeling guilty, they promptly sent a gift, but never received a thank-you note. The incident caused a rift, and the OP and their friend drifted apart.
The Real Cost of Wedding Attendance
The story has ignited a conversation about the expectations placed on the bride's wedding guests. Viewers in the comments were outraged at her expectation that the OP send a gift, especially this far beyond the wedding date and considering all the OP had spent already.
"If I had received a reminder for a wedding gift—from an 'assistant' no less—my response would have been—so sue me!" one person wrote.
"I would've sent an etiquette book, since the bride clearly had none," another user wrote.
Wedding planner Wendee Vezzetti, who specializes in intimate celebrations in Colorado, told Newsweek that she believes guests shouldn't feel pressured to give extravagant gifts, particularly when travel is involved.
"At smaller, close-knit weddings, many guests don't bring gifts at all...that's perfectly OK," Vezzetti said. "These events are often about quality, meaningful time with loved ones rather than accumulating material items."
Vezzetti offered practical advice for both guests and couples to avoid similar situations to the OP's:
- Guests: Presence is the real gift: "Whether you give a heartfelt handwritten note, a gift from the registry or just showing up when it matters, your kindness and presence are what truly count," Vezzetti said.
- Couples: Be empathetic: "Guests are already investing a significant amount to celebrate with you," Vezzetti added. "If you're asking guests to travel, consider skipping gifts altogether or explicitly stating they're optional."
The backlash to the bride's post-wedding request serves as a reminder to couples about what truly matters on their special day.
"Your wedding is about celebrating love," Vezzetti concluded. "Not about stress over gift expectations."
Newsweek reached out to u/CherFromCluelessIRL for comment via Reddit.
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