Some experts say the first year of marriage can be the most challenging period for couples. Relationship therapist Aimee Hartstein, LCSW, believes this to be frequently true, even for married couples who have lived together beforehand.
She highlights that transitioning into married life brings unique dynamics and expectations that can be challenging to manage, regardless of previous cohabitation.
However, some research indicates the first year isn't universally the hardest. A report from the National Marriage Project found that later stages of marriage, particularly around the seven-year mark or during significant life changes like raising children, are often more challenging.
To explore this topic further, Newsweek reached out to relationship and marriage experts to gather their insights on whether the first year of marriage truly stands out as the most challenging phase.
Dr. Lisa Marie Bobby: The First Year of Marriage is Challenging, but Major Life Transitions Can Be Harder
I do not know whether the belief that the first year of marriage is the hardest is true. Any time a couple is faced with a major life change or a massive transition, or a need to work together as a unified team differently, it can be very hard.
The year after the birth of the first child typically sends more couples into a crisis than the first year of marriage. The first year of cohabitation can be hard, but even the first year that a couple experiments with coming into alignment around finances can be quite difficult.
But couples face stressors throughout the lifespan: A transcontinental move, a change of career, an illness or loss, and a looming empty nest can and will be make-or-break moments for couples who have not been investing in their resilience all along.
However, if both people are actively working to address issues in a positive and constructive way, being receptive and responsive to each other, and seeking to create a new way of operating that centers both people's hopes and goals, couples will use these stressful chapters to spiral up towards increased strength and growth, not down into despair and dysfunction.
Lisa Marie Bobby, PhD, LMFT, LP, BCC, Growing Self Counseling & Coaching Founder & CEO.
Dr. Peter Pearson: The Hardest Year of Marriage is The One Before Separation
I don't think the first year of marriage is the hardest. The hardest year is probably the year before a couple decides to go their separate ways.
It is a painful year as they decide that their relationship has run its course. That year is full of pain, grief, loneliness, fear, and big helpings of despair. That year is also intermixed with some pockets of hope or optimism. Emotions are whipsawed.
It can be a year from hell.
Peter Pearson, Ph.D., Marriage coach to entrepreneurs, Co-founder, The Couples Institute.
Dr Duana Welch: Early Conflict in Marriage Could Be a Good Sign
Most people, including relationship scientists, think couples who argue a lot at the start are doomed. But when people, especially women in heterosexual marriages, bring up issues early on, it means they feel secure enough to do it, which gives couples a chance to get closer.
In more than 30 years of science on couples, Dr. John Gottman found that women who don't state their needs aren't happier; they're silencing themselves and their needs, which leads to more and more dissatisfaction in a low-level disconnect that makes these relationships fragile. But women who speak up reap rewards. In fact, conflict is a must.
In her 25-year study, Dr. Terri Orbuch found that every couple who claimed never to argue, later divorced. It's especially important to discuss potential hot-button topics such as money and sex.
Couples who don't, become less happy over time. Couples who do, gain terrific benefits.
For example, under 10 percent of couples who avoid talking about sex are very happy with the sex they're having; over 90 percent of those who talk about it are highly satisfied, though.
Duana Welch, PhD, dating and relationship coach and author of the Love Factually books.
Dr. Ellyn Bader: The Hardest Year of Marriage Comes After Child Birth
The first year of marriage is not the hardest. The hardest year is the one after the first child is born, when roles, responsibilities, and needs shift enormously.
Ellyn Bader, Psychologist, Co-Founder and CEO of The Couples Institute and Co-Creator of The Developmental Model of Couples Therapy.
Dr. Denise Marigold: Major Stressors Can Arise Any Time
The first year of marriage is not necessarily the hardest. Major transitions like moving in together and becoming parents can be challenging for relationships, but many couples have already undergone such transitions before getting married.
Other stressors like financial difficulties, serious health issues, or infidelity can be particularly hard on a marriage and those can happen at any point in the marriage.
Denise Marigold, Associate Professor of Social Development Studies at Renison University College, University of Waterloo.
English (US) ·