A tech project manager's decision to enforce his out-of-office boundaries has gained viral attention on Reddit, and Newsweek spoke to an expert about whether or not he handled the situation correctly.
In a post to the subreddit r/TraumatizeThemBack, the original poster (OP) shared how he dealt with a persistent colleague who disregarded his clear communication around his working hours, which led to a powerful moment of setting boundaries while balancing personal and professional responsibilities. Since the post was published, it has received 20,000 upvotes. Newsweek reached out to u/changeurblinkerfluid for comment via Reddit.
The OP explained that in his role as a project and program manager, he navigates high-stakes multinational projects and unpredictable work hours—but his work was made more difficult when his wife was diagnosed with a rare lymphoma.
"Treatment required surgery, several rounds of in-patient chemo and an allogeneic bone marrow stem cell transplant," he wrote. "As a result, I found myself the sole bread winner for the family, her primary caretaker and the primary parent for our three young kids."
Despite the overwhelming demands of his personal life, his workplace was supportive, allowing him to take time off for family emergencies, including his wife's medical appointments.
However, not everyone respected his boundaries. One salesman ignored his out-of-office messages to push for urgent matters.
While the salesman continued to reach out, the OP finally responded to one of his Teams calls—while sitting in an infusion room at his wife's oncology appointment. With his camera on, his wife visibly exhausted from treatment, the salesman finally grasped the seriousness of the situation.
He apologized, saying he would call back later.
The Internet's reaction
The post saw many applauding the OP's firm response. Many could also relate to the violation of workplace boundaries.
"I went through something similar while going through breast cancer radiation," one user wrote. "I was asked to attend 8:00 AM meetings, but I had radiation at 7:00 AM each morning. I declined, more than once, and the organizer finally called me and told me it was required I attend. I told him I had breast cancer and was going through treatment every morning. Big silence...then an apology."
An Expert's Point of View
Newsweek spoke to Katie Hostasa, leadership coach and founder of KMH Leadership, about the issues that arise when workplace boundaries are disrespected.
Hostasa told Newsweek about the guilt that often arises when individuals are pulled in different directions.
"It's a classic example of an ontological issue: the dissonance between how he views himself—as a supportive partner and parent—and how the world expects him to behave.
"The salesperson's urgency is coming from a different place, perhaps from a deep focus on individual success or a lack of empathy for the gravity of what the poster is experiencing."
Hostasa ultimately affirmed the OP's decision to enforce his boundaries and encouraged him to continue trusting his instinct.
"You can be both a dedicated professional and a loving, present partner and parent," she said. "Without compromising one for the other."
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