A woman shared her whirlwind marriage after going on a reality TV show with her ex-partner.
The couple had been married and divorced within a year, during which she discovered she was gay after four months. Sian Howells (@sian.samantha), 31, a yoga teacher, shared her experience on TikTok, amassing 69,200 views and 1,767 likes.
After watching the series Rich Holiday, Poor Holiday, where pairs of families from different financial backgrounds swap vacation experiences, Howells and her ex-partner decided to apply on a whim.
She told Newsweek: "A week later we were being flown to Hvar, Croatia. We were filmed for five days and went on a luxury boat ride to watch the sunset which was insane, had €250 sushi, I had a bloody awful makeover and we had to party with the super rich (I had to take my makeover makeup off as I looked like one off those dolls nana's kept)."
Riding high after the show, the couple impulsively decided to get married six weeks later, after five years together. They had a small, low-key ceremony at a registry office with their closest family, followed by a party in a local pub.
In the video, Howells explained that the wedding was an incredibly boozy affair. She admitted to walking down the aisle after drinking two and a half bottles of prosecco, a decision she now recognizes as a warning sign.
However, doubts began to creep in soon after.
"I'd say it was getting married that made me start questioning my sexuality. I'd always known I was pan-sexual, but I've only had serious boyfriends. Saying husband didn't quite feel right but I put it down to it being a new saying that I'd have to get used to," she revealed.
"I made friends with someone who came to my yoga class and she was a lesbian. I started developing feelings for her and realized then I was a lesbian and not in fact pan, so I left my partner and he was the first person I told that I was gay.
"He was really nice about it and said he'd been wondering if I was, as our relationship was more platonic than romantic since getting married."
Her first relationship with a woman, however, wasn't a pleasant one. But now, Howells says she's doing much better.
"We [referring to her ex-husband] are literally living our best life, both of us, and we're a lot happier. So it does get better. It does get better, I promise. And if you're scared of coming out, just know, just f****** do it. I was married and I still did it. I was like, it's time," she shared in the video.
Howells also reflected on her personal growth since coming out: "Years worth of internalized homophobia have disappeared. I used to be very self-conscious, but I love who I am now because I'm being the true version of me.
"I had a lot of anger towards myself before I came out and could never understand why, and it was because I wasn't being true to who I was. I'm really confident now, I no longer feel ashamed to say who I am.
"I used to get embarrassed saying I was 'bi' or 'pan' because it didn't feel right. Saying I'm a lesbian feels so at home with me.
"I had 'come out' a few times in the past, but only when I'd had a few drinks, and I took it as I was just saying nonsense. It took me until recently to understand that being attracted to masculinity doesn't always mean being attracted to a man. Women can be in their masculinity as well.
"I've noticed my life has gotten so much richer and happier since coming out as well. It's the most empowering feeling, taking control of your own life.
"If anyone is scared to come out, my best advice is as long as it's safe for you to do so, rip the bandaid off and come out. You owe it to yourself to live the best possible life that you can. We only get one chance at this life, don't hide the amazing, shining star that you are."
TikTokers were captivated by Howells' story and flooded the comments with their own experiences.
"I love these sorts of brave stories. Luckily I've never been close to marrying any of the men I've been with, still battling with sexuality figuring it out," said Amy Andrea.
"My marriage lasted 11 months...divorce finalized 8 months after that...my choice of course," shared another commenter.
"You being a lesbian was the least surprising moment of this video," joked Alanis.
Have you noticed any red flags that made you end a relationship? Let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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