A millennial man has set a financial boundary with his family that not everyone is happy about.
In a recent Reddit post, the 32-year-old man shared his experience of paying his parents' mortgage and property taxes for the past eight years, only to feel blindsided by a decision regarding the family home.
Since the post was published, it has received over 5,000 upvotes. Newsweek spoke to financial therapist Nathan Astle about how the man can stay firm on his boundaries while navigating interpersonal dynamics.
In the post, the original poster (OP) explained how he had stepped up to support his retired parents financially, given their sacrifices for his and his sister's education. In return, he was promised a larger share of the family home.
But things took a turn when his sister moved back home after losing her job—and their parents agreed to let her stay permanently.
"I was furious at this, because I had been paying for the house with the understanding that it would be sold and I would get a larger share," the OP wrote. "It is very likely my sister never sells the house and instead raises her eventual family there.
"Because the original agreement with my parents changed, I stopped paying for the mortgage, leaving it up to my sister to take care of if she's taking over the house."
His family wasn't very happy about his sudden change of heart.
"My parents are furious with me, saying I'm too money-obsessed and should be continuing to help the family," he wrote. "They are promising that eventually my sister will pay me out for my share of the house...I turned that offer down because there's no real guarantee this will happen, and I don't trust my sister to follow through financially."
While his family wasn't thrilled, viewers in the comments backed him for standing his ground in the face of an uncertain financial future.
"You've been paying for years and now they wanna change the game? Protect your interests," one person wrote.
"The only a******* I see are your parents for being furious with you instead of grateful for all the time you've helped," another wrote.
An expert opinion
Astle, a licensed marriage and family therapist and financial therapist, and founder of the Financial Therapy Clinical Institute, told Newsweek about the complexities of this situation—and how they might be resolved.
"The truth is, agreements like these need to be in writing to avoid these types of conflicts," he began. "Things like lending money, paying for property taxes or any other major financial decisions need to be treated like they would be if it were a business.
"The problem is that there aren't clear boundaries about what is expected from each party, and what happens if obligations aren't met. It may feel overkill, but these situations need to be more formal than a verbal agreement."
Astle noted that beyond the financial, what really complicates things are the interpersonal dynamics playing out through the family home debacle.
"There could be a lot of dynamics impacting how the family interacts with each other," Astle said. "Maybe this is one of many resentments that the brother has towards his sister for 'preferential' treatment.
"Perhaps the parents are conflict avoidant and didn't formally address the arrangement with the son."
What's most important, Astle advised, is that everyone is able to be heard and decision making shared. He recommended a financial therapist to help the OP and his parents move through the complications of financial and family dynamics.
Newsweek reached out to u/Difficult-Pilot-7721 for comment via Reddit.
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