Nicole Kidman has revealed she is still grieving the loss of her parents and wakes up crying in the night.
The American-Australian actress, 57 revealed that she has struggled to cope with the loss of her mother, Janelle Ann Kidman, in September and her father, Dr Antony Kidman, who died from a fall in 2014.
The Academy Award winner said that her feelings surrounding life and death are "even more so" present now that she’s raising her own teenage daughters Sunday, 16, and Faith, 13 with her husband Keith Urban.
"Mortality. Connection. Life coming and hitting you,” she said. “And loss of parents and raising children and marriage and all of the things that go into making you a fully sentient human. I'm in all of those places.
"So life is, whew. It's definitely a journey. And it hits you as you get older. It’s a wake up at 3am. crying and gasping kind of thing. If you're in it and not numbing yourself to it. And I'm in it. Fully in it.”
“I wish my mama was here,” Nicole said. “That’d be the one thing I’d say. Everything is great with work but I wish my mama was here.
"She was my compass in a way," the Big Little Lies said of her mum in an earlier this month in an interview with Vanity Fair. "It’s like losing that, but at the same time going, 'Okay, well, this is for her then.' So much of what she wanted for my sister and I was to create women in this world who felt like they could express themselves and have opportunities, especially things she didn’t have from her generation."
In Babygirl, Kidman plays a 50-something tech CEO in the midst of a BDSM-tinged affair with a much younger, as in 20-something, male intern.
The role has been described as her most vulnerable performance in years.
In an interview with the latest issue of GQ magazine, Kidman insisted making Babygirl, with opens with a fake orgasm, was even more challenging than Stanley Kubrick’s 1999 erotic mystery Eyes Wide Shut.
She confessed that the scenes with Harris Dickinson, 28, and actor Antonio Banderas, 64, got too much for her.
She said: “There was an enormous amount of sharing and trust and then frustration.
“It’s like, ‘Don’t touch me’.
“There were times when we were shooting where I was like, ‘I don’t want to orgasm any more.
“Don’t come near me. I hate doing this. I don’t care if I am never touched again in my life! I’m over it. It was so present all the time for me that it was almost like a burnout."
The star, who will be attending Tuesday night’s GQ awards in London, added: “I’m in the whole film. There are so many close-ups. It’s a full stripping of me.”
“You’re not gonna wanna sit there and see sex that’s exploitative. But we are human and it’s a huge part of who we are.”
Kidman, alongside fellow coverstars Jude Law, Kobbie Mainoo, Cole Palmer and Central Cee, will be toasted at the 27th annual GQ Men of the Year event in partnership with Jo Malone London on November 19.
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