Plane Passenger Refusing To Give Seat Up So Child Can Sit by His Dad Backed

A post about a man who refused to give up his window seat so that a father could sit next to his young son has gone viral on Reddit.

Shared by user Mediocre-Chain1210, the post titled "AITA [am I the a******] for refusing to give up my seat on the plane?" has amassed more than 14,000 upvotes and hundreds of comments since it was shared on January 6.

The 29-year-old poster, who did not share his name, location or the airline he was traveling with, told Newsweek that the flight was on Sunday departing from Amsterdam, capital of the Netherlands.

"I made sure to book the seat in advance, it wasn't randomly assigned seats," the poster said, noting that "you can get your seats for free if you hold status. Alternatively, seats can be selected for free by everyone during online check in for everyone."

In the post, he describes boarding a short 70-minute flight with a 2-2 seating arrangement. He found a boy, around 7 years old, sitting in his reserved window seat next to the boy's father, with the mother and sister seated across the aisle.

When asked if he would swap seats so the family could sit together, the poster agreed to swap only if the offered seat was also by a window. When the father said the available seat was by the aisle, the poster declined to swap.

The father, displeased, attempted to shame the poster, saying sarcastically, "you are a very nice person; I mean, not a very nice person." After an exchange, another passenger witnessed the encounter and offered to swap seats, allowing the family to sit together.

A stock image of a young boy seated next to a man on a flight. A post about a plane passenger who refused to give up his seat to a dad who wanted to sit... iStock / Getty Images Plus

Was it rude of the poster to refuse to swap seats, or was the dad making an unreasonable request?

Etiquette expert Lisa Mirza Grotts told Newsweek that, while it is natural to feel guilty when children are involved, "you are not obligated to give up a seat that you've paid for."

"Airlines are the ones responsible for seating arrangements, and they should handle these situations effectively," Grotts said, "but it's ultimately a parent's responsibility to plan ahead."

In a June 2023 survey of 1,000 plane passengers in the U.S. and Canada, conducted on behalf of the travel booking website Kayak, passengers said you are allowed to ask to sit next to a family member, partner or friend "because 58 percent of travelers have a grain of empathy."

Those surveyed also said you are allowed to ask to switch seats if you ask politely, "because 54 percent of travelers have a soft spot for common courtesy."

'Well Within His Rights' but Could Show 'More Grace'

Asked how other passengers on board reacted to the situation, the poster told Newsweek: "I don't think anybody was judging me. But it was a short encounter. The guy who ended up swapping didn't seem fazed; it seemed like he offered because he didn't mind. And the father's wife was trying to calm the situation."

Etiquette expert Jo Hayes supported the poster's decision. "While many people would have compassion on a family traveling together, especially with a young child of the age of 7, and agree to swap," Hayes told Newsweek, "he booked it [the seat] ahead of time and is well within his rights to refuse to swap."

She added that, knowing they are traveling with a young child, the family should have booked their seats together in advance and involved cabin crew to facilitate any necessary seating changes, preventing awkward encounters.

Psychiatrist Dr. Carole Lieberman told Newsweek that the poster "didn't have an obligation to change seats, but it would have been polite and kind to have at least offered an explanation."

She said the poster could have said something like, "I really like sitting next to the window, so I specifically took the time to plan for it in advance when I booked the seat. Perhaps you could do this the next time you fly."

Executive psychology coach Mandy Morris pointed out that both parties missed an opportunity for constructive communication. She told Newsweek: "The father could have approached the situation with more grace, recognizing that a polite 'no' was within the poster's rights. Similarly, the poster could have conveyed their refusal with greater empathy, avoiding language that escalated the situation."

'You Did Nothing Wrong'

The original post received much support from other users on Reddit who said the poster was right.

User emergencycat17 wrote: "If they wanted the seat, they should have booked it together … you did nothing wrong. You booked your seat, and just because he wanted it doesn't make him in the right."

ExistenceRaisin posted: "You're right, they can ask, and you can say no. You booked the window seat because that's where you wanted to sit, and you don't have to give up your seat just because someone else wants it."

WatercoLorCurtain wrote "People need to stop thinking they're entitled to the seat someone else specifically picked out."

Some were understanding of the dad's position, such as Jmfroggie who said: "While OP [original poster] has no obligation to give up a seat, I'm sick of people claiming parents can just book seats together! Do you really think they would've booked a child to sit alone if they had any other options?? …"

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