When we first met Rachel Gorry, it was for a Christmas shoot, not unlike this one, at her home in Offaly with her three girls. They were dressed in their festive best and smiled for the cameras, but in December 2020, there was an air of sadness. It was the children’s first Christmas without their daddy and for Rachel, without her childhood sweetheart who she loved since she was 16. Daniel Gorry passed away from oesophageal cancer on 1 April 2020, aged just 29. At that time, our interview was emotional as Rachel relived his last moments and spoke confidently that she will never love again.
Now, four years on, we meet a different Rachel. She and the girls, Leah, 14, Holly, 10, and Hannah, eight, are still the same kind, polite and accommodating ladies as before, but this time Rachel has a light behind her eyes that was missing previously. Her energy is lifted, her laugh louder, and while they say time heals all wounds, presumably her cheerfulness also has something to do with the new love in her life, Adrien. It’s heartwarming to see Rachel and the girls so happy and Adrien at ease with them. While slightly uncomfortable in front of the camera, he tries on various outfits with zero complaining and jumps in to help the girls with their glittery heels. At the shoot, one of the younger girls tells Adrien out of the blue, ‘I love you so much’, a sentiment he repeats back to her without falter.
In our intimate interview, Rachel says she counts herself incredibly lucky to have found “true love” twice in her 34 years, how the loneliness became too much to bear and what it was like introducing her new man to her beloved daughters.
Read more: Rachel Gorry on finding love with boyfriend Adrien after losing her husband Daniel
Read more: Influencer Rachel Gorry says husband Daniel wrote wedding day cards for their daughters
When we last caught up four years ago, it was your first Christmas without Daniel and you were also navigating this new online career. What has life been like for you since then?
Oh my God, it’s been a rollercoaster in every sense of the word. I suppose navigating a new career online while going through the worst time in my life after losing Daniel, and then trying to raise the girls alone, it was extremely difficult and daunting. It was honestly such a devastating and lonely place to be. I do feel like I’ve grown so much in the last few years, though, and I put that down to the amount of support I had. My family and my friends were great and my followers were fantastic. It’s honestly just been so heartwarming, I don’t think I’d have been able to do it without them.
How are all the girls doing?
They’re great, thanks so much for asking. I feel like they have come on so much in the last couple of years. I had them in play therapy before Daniel died, and then they continued that after he passed away. I really feel like it helped them get their little heads around daddy’s passing. I feel like they’re after getting so big. The girls were nine, five and three when Daniel passed away and they’re 14, 10 and eight now and they do myself and their daddy so proud every single day.
You’ve forged an impressive career path for yourself and built a loyal following, what do you attribute that to?
I suppose aside from doing the few hair, make-up, fashion and home bits, I think it’s just showing real life and never hiding the fact that sometimes it’s hard. It isn’t always easy and I like to share the highs and the lows of everyday life. My followers have definitely seen me through my darkest days, I can never thank them enough for that.
What are your future career goals?
I have my own clothing brand, Alined, it’s actually named after Daniel, it’s an anagram of his name. I’m sure he’s thrilled to have a woman’s clothing brand named after him [laughs]! I didn’t really think that one through, I just thought it would be nice to involve him in it. We do have a new line coming out next year and I’m really excited for that. We’ve had a couple of delays and setbacks, which can be quite frustrating, but I’m so excited for what the next year will bring for the brand.
You previously spoke about getting some horrific messages following the death of Daniel, do you still get nasty DMs from people?
I actually don’t get too many in my DMs to be fair. But I do think, when you’re getting messages saying, ‘I’m delighted that your husband is dead,’ and, ‘Your husband is being eaten by maggots’, you’re never really going to get anything worse than that, are you? Well, I hope not anyway. Those messages were really horrific and did affect me. But 99% of the messages are so positive and they outweigh the bad.
How do you cope with the stresses of your life and work?
Oh God, I don’t feel like I’m coping at all some days. It can be quite full-on and some days are easier than others. I suppose I try to be as organised as I can so that things will run smoothly day-to-day, but that never happens. It’s just always so hectic no matter how organised I try to be, it doesn’t always work out. My answer to everything when I have a stressful day is to sink into a bubble bath. I feel like I’m practically living in my bathroom these days.
Have you ever spoken to a grief counsellor?
Yeah, I did go to counselling. I started counselling when Daniel was diagnosed, and then after Daniel passed I continued to go for a year. I know that counselling isn’t for everyone, but I found that it helped me massively.
What did you learn?
I learned that there’s so many different stages of grief and that no two people grieve the same. Unfortunately there’s no handbook when it comes to grief, it’s not a one-size-fits-all, so you just need to be patient and kind to yourself and take each day as it comes.
As the girls get older, how are they handling the loss of their father? Do you have to change your approach to how you help each child?
Yeah I do, and like I said, no two people grieve the same and I find with the three girls they all grieve, and are grieving, so differently. Their play therapist was honestly fantastic and she gave me the tools that I needed for each child. I think the fact that we speak about Daniel all the time massively helps them. They love telling stories about their daddy. I was always so open and honest with the girls. We talk so openly about Daniel in good times and when we’re missing him and when we’re feeling sad, as well.
Has Daniel’s death caused you to have health anxiety for yourself or other members of your family?
Oh my God, yeah. I’d say my doctor is sick of looking at me. I’m sure he’s saying to himself, ‘Here’s this one coming again’ [laughs]. I do get blood tests often and I basically get a full body NCT every year to make sure I’m in the full of my health. I’m so fearful that if anything happens to me, I’m all my girls have – that scares me. If any of the girls even cough I’m straight to the doctor. I won’t lie, my biggest fear in life is definitely losing somebody else that I love. I know unfortunately that’s going to happen, that’s part of life, but even the thought of it gives me so much anxiety.
In the height of your grief, you said you would never find love again. When did you start to open up to the idea?
Daniel always made it very clear, not only to me, but to his family and my family, that he didn’t want me to be on my own. He was very vocal about it. I never wanted to hear about it, I never wanted to have that conversation. But I suppose as the years passed, the loneliness really crept in on me and I realised that I didn’t want to spend the rest of my life alone. I never thought I’d become a widow at 29 and I might have been a little bit naïve to think that I would spend the rest of life by myself. My family and friends were always fantastic, they’re really amazing, but I think it’s mad how you can be in a room full of people and still feel so alone. I just thought, ‘One day, I really don’t want to live the rest of my life like this’.
How did you and Adrien meet?
Adrien is actually an Offaly man too, we’re from the same area. We knew of each other, but we didn’t run in the same circles. I saw him out one night and we just got chatting and I actually really enjoyed his company, we got on so well. I thought, ‘God he’s such a nice person’ and then after a few months, he finally plucked up the courage to ask me out on a date and I suppose the rest is history.
What is it about Adrien that made you want to take the next step?
I always thought if I ever found someone again it would be more so to just have a companion. I was lucky enough to have experienced true love once and I know not everybody gets to experience that in their life. I never thought I would experience it twice in a lifetime until I met Adrien. I think especially when you’ve loved and you’ve lost, if you’re lucky enough to ever find that love again, you never want to let it go.
What was it like introducing him to the girls?
Oh, my God, it was so nerve-wracking. I waited a long time to introduce them, it’s just such a big deal and I was really nervous. Now, to be fair, I wasn’t as nervous as Adrien was, he was so nervous, but when he asked me on a date I did say it to Leah. I felt like she was old enough and I asked her, ‘How do you feel about me going on a date?’, because if she wasn’t happy, I wouldn’t have went. She was so supportive. The two smallest, they’re so funny because they were mad for me to have a boyfriend, because their friend’s mammy had one [laughs]. Kids are just so gas like that. So I knew they’d be fine, but I was still nervous because you just want it to go well and you want them to like each other. But it actually couldn’t have went better. Seeing them with each other, it’s just so heartwarming and lovely.
You had initially said you wouldn’t be sharing your relationship online, what changed?
My followers were mad to get a look at him. I’d get messages saying, ‘Rachel! Just give us a look’. When we were out, we’d notice people would be taking pictures of us or of him. We were out one night and I was sent a picture of him by mistake, and someone was saying, ‘That’s him! That’s Rachel Gorry’s boyfriend!’ So I just thought, ‘Look, it’s not that big of a deal, I’ll share a picture of us together’.
If you could say anything to yourself when we last spoke four years ago, what would it be?
I’d love to tell myself that it’s going to be OK and there will be a day when I’ll actually really smile again. That I’ll actually be happy again. I won’t just be putting on a brave face for others – I feel like that’s what I did for so long. I genuinely never thought I would smile and just be happy again. When I see old videos of myself in the height of my grief, they make me cry, I don’t recognise myself. I just look so lost and I know how I was feeling back then. I didn’t know how I was going do it by myself, raise my girls and work full-time and grieve Daniel all at the same time. But I did. Day by day I’m doing it and some days are still harder than others. I have to say, I’m proud of how far I’ve come because it really wasn’t easy.
What are your hopes for yourself and for your girls in the future?
Just to be happy and healthy, I know that sounds so cliché but it’s true. When it comes down to the important things in life, that really is all that matters.
Read Rachel’s interview in full in the new issue of RSVP Magazine, on shelves now.
- Photography: Kate Nolan, SoulSourcedElopements.com, IG: @kate_nolan_photography
- Hair and make-up: Lauren Egerton, IG: @laurenegerton
- Styling: Roz Lipsett, IG: @rosalindlipsett
- Location: Bridge House Hotel, Offaly
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