RHONY Star Brynn Whitfield Opens Up About Her Sexual Assault at 34 and Having to See Her Assaulter in Public, Plus How the Horrendous Act Uprooted Her Life

Sexual assault is one of the worst things a person can experience. Many of our favorite reality TV stars have shared heartbreaking stories of being at the center of this horrendous act, and now Real Housewives of New York City star Brynn Whitfield is the latest to share her story of survival.

As fans know, Brynn joined RHONY as a full-time cast member for the show’s 14th season. Now, the rebooted series is back for its 15th season, and it seems to be picking up steam, thanks to airing on the same night as RHOBH. 

Recently, Brynn spoke exclusively to PEOPLE and detailed her experience of being sexually assaulted when she was in her mid-30s. Like many survivors, Brynn says she never thought it would happen to her at that stage in her life. 

She began, “[In] my 30s, I had so many problems, things on my mind. There’s all these things I had in my head. I’m privileged, but sexual assault wasn’t one of them.”

Brynn went on to say that it was something she thought about in her 20s. According to her, “I was fearful of that in college and early 20s, and I would hear stories from my friends. It wasn’t in my brain that that happened to a 30-year-old woman living in Manhattan … that fear wasn’t my fear anymore. Not to sound like a massive a–hole, but that doesn’t happen to me.”

However, this changed when Brynn was a successful 34-year-old working for a pet company. This was when a man who had been “courting” her ended up committing sexual assault against her. 

She bravely and tearfully said, “You just go home, and you just shower, and you just want to pretend like it didn’t happen. I think my water bill probably that month was like $10,000 … and just there’s not enough soap in the world [to get clean]… You try not to put chlorine in your luxurious bathtub.”

She then discussed how the violation impacted her life after. She went to work the next day and didn’t tell her friends about what happened for months. Brynn explained, “I was hyper-efficient at work, but I didn’t smile, I didn’t laugh, I didn’t bat an eyelash. I didn’t do anything. I blamed myself.”

After this, the RHONY star said she became “asexual for months” and that she felt “literally numb.” However, she slowly began to acknowledge what had happened to her, and she described that feeling as “a purge.” She also started going to therapy.

Regarding the experience, Brynn said, “You have to find reason in everything. There’s a reason I needed to experience this, and honestly, it opened me up.”

Her experience also changed how she dates. According to her, “Now, if I really feel safe with someone, I open up in ways that are like I’ve never opened up or been vulnerable to someone before. Actually, I wasn’t opening my heart before, and now, oddly enough, I can.”

Unfortunately, Brynn runs into her assaulter, who she described as a ‘prominent man’ in New York, from time to time. She explained how she handles this by saying, “I put on a brave face, and I refuse to cause a scene. I don’t like loudness. I don’t like screaming or yelling because of my childhood. I pick up the check and I sign. That’s what I do. That’s that.”

“I think that that is the unfortunate reality of so many people. I don’t think that everybody gets their day of justice. I think this happens frequently. And I think that I’m one of many throughout hundreds, I don’t know, thousands of years that have had to handle it this way,” she added.

Brynn continued, “I handle it with elegance, and grace, and tact and strength. And the only thing I know about the way I handle it, is that I’m certainly not the first one.”

Regarding helping other survivors, Brynn said, “If I can help one person feel something, feel how I felt, if I can help one person feel better, then I’ll tattoo it on me. Then it’s worth it, a billion percent.”

RHONY airs on Tuesday nights on Bravo.