As the Eras tour ends in Vancouver, I can't help but sit and think about how much of a truly transformative experience going to the shows was. I was lucky enough to get to experience two shows in London after surviving the great war on Ticketmaster.
For the year leading up to the shows, I had watched all of the TikTok livestreams and sang along, alone in my room. The magic of Swift is, you didn't even need to be physically in attendance to experience the pure joy that was an Eras tour show. I was sucked into the recaps, the outfits, the girlies dressing up. It was peak girlhood, at its finest.
I first came across Taylor Swift on YouTube in 2007, not long after she released her debut album. I had her track 'Tim McGraw' on repeat for days before I finally convinced my Mum to get the cd sent from America on Ebay. I listened to it relentlessly and dreamed of finding a love that she spoke of. I think Swift truly is the reason I am to this day, a hopeless romantic.
I could do it with a broken heart
I've been in love a few times in my life and had my heart broken by it, that's a natural part of life. It wasn't until seeing Swift live and re-living all of her heart-breaks with her, that I realised, maybe my wounds weren't quite as mended as I had hoped they were. I could feel it, when she sang. When she started her journey through her different eras, I felt like I was going through this with her.
When she started to sing Fearless, I remembered how I felt when I first heard that song and the memories that came along with it, which had been tainted over the years. I cried with her as she sang and I could feel these memories, that I had buried within myself, come out again. I allowed myself to feel things I hadn't in years.
I am not shy about talking about my feelings and I can admit that after both of my significant breakups, not only did I fall out of love with them, but myself too. I changed the way I viewed myself and could only see the negatives, nothing positive was allowed to shine through. These men had taken away my sparkle and I had somehow allowed that to happen. I thought that love wasn't for me, because there had to have been something wrong with me, but Swift allowed me to see that this was not the case at all.
I think that growing up as a woman in this day and age is so hard because you can easily compare yourself to others through the likes of social media. I was bad for that, in my head, these guys didn't want me because I wasn't skinny enough, I wasn't pretty enough, or I wasn't smart enough. Listening to Taylor Swift go through this, helped me heal because it made me realise that none of those things were true. It made me realise that the right person would never make me feel that way about myself.
I feel like I have grown up with Taylor Swift and her music. Her songs have been there for me when I've needed to smile and when I have needed to cry. She has a song that can encapsulate any moment in time, there's always one that you can relate to, because you've experienced the same thing. When I was at the Eras tour, I allowed my walls to come down again and I could truly feel the things that my brain had tried so hard to keep buried.
I will remember it all too well
The many eras that Taylor goes through show the human side of her, she's just a girl, just like the rest of us. She struggled with how she viewed herself and talks about so openly in her music that it inspires you to do the same. I had a very negative view of myself for so long, but these shows truly helped to change that.
I know in life, you're not everyone's cup of tea and that's what's beautiful about it. You are not for everyone and everyone is not for you. When I was a late teen and going into my twenties, this was something that I really struggled with. I had this burning desire to be liked by everyone and I would hide parts of myself in order to do it. Anyone who knows me now knows that I speak my mind very openly but that has not always been the case; I used to be afraid of speaking up because I was scared about what people may think of me if I did. I know now, that it's okay to speak, not everyone's going to like what you have to say and that is okay.
The Red era was a particularly sore one because not only is it my favourite album of Swift's, but it was the album that got me through my first heartbreak. I listened to All Too Well on repeat and would sob into my duvet, like someone had literally ripped my heart right out of my chest. Hearing this live brought those feelings back for a moment, but also made me realise I am so much stronger now than I was then and I love myself more than I ever thought was possible. I remember the bad times all too well, but I did not let them define me. I am far stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
Meet me at midnight
At each show, by the time the Midnights era rolled along, I truly felt like I had been on a journey of soul-searching and discovery, which is hard to describe unless you were there. Swift's music united thousands of people in one place, which is a pretty special thing in its own right.
I got to connect with thousands of women who had experienced the things that I had and made it out of the other side better than they were before. So call it delusion, call it crazy, in fact, call it what you want, but Swift's music and show experience truly had healing powers for me.
The concert allowed me to feel everything again, but from a different, more grown perspective. It allowed me to confront my emotions and remind me that I am only human.
I was taken to a place of healing that I hadn't realised I so desperately still needed, and for that, I thank her endlessly. Before walking into the Eras tour, there were walls that were still standing, but they were soon knocked down.
I realised that I am great just the way I am and I do not have to mould myself for people to like me. I could be whoever I wanted to be and that was okay. It was truly remarkable really, what Swift managed to make me feel. All that there is left to say is so long, Eras tour, you made a young woman very happy. I will remember it, all too well.
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