The internet has rallied around a terminally ill woman who has chosen not to leave any money to her severely disabled half-brother.
Reddit user u/Exotic_shock_4799, a 33-year-old woman, shared her dilemma in the popular subreddit "Am I The A*****?" garnering 10,000 upvotes.
She explained she received her diagnosis earlier this year and has been working with a lawyer and an end-of-life social worker to ensure everything is in order before she loses cognitive ability.
"I also have a complicated family situation. My parents were never married and my dad died when I was 12 of the same condition I now have. He never married so all his assets were put in a trust for me by my grandparents," she wrote.
"My mom married after they broke up and had my half-brother (26M). He is severely mentally disabled. He's a 7-year-old in a grown man's body and even with all the resources they can get, he's very difficult to care for and my mom and step-dad barely get by most of the time."
Her mom and stepdad tried to access her trust while she was under their roof but were unsuccessful.
"I help out some when things are really hard, but I feel like my mom treats me like an emergency fund rather than her daughter," she explained.
Since receiving the diagnosis, the OP has been working to reconnect with her mom, who has shown concern for her. However, OP realized her mother's hopes included her stepping in to provide for her brother.
"She was thankful for that, but then brought up how she always hoped that I would be the one to make sure my brother was taken care of when she was gone and that in a way I still would be. She would put whatever I leave behind into his care fund and would make sure he knows it's from his big sister," she wrote.
Despite this, OP shared she is not planning on leaving anything to her brother or mom. Instead, she plans on leaving her money to her best friend's children, who see her as an aunt.
"Whatever is left over after I'm gone is going to the kids for college. I know it's money that could secure better care for my half-brother and take some of the load off my mom, but I feel like I want to help someone else now," she said.
Expert Weighs In
"Family obligations can be complex, especially when past experiences with family members have been strained," Stephanie Lewis, a licensed social worker and executive director at Epiphany Wellness, told Newsweek. "In therapy, we often discuss the importance of aligning our choices with our values and boundaries.
"OP has spent time reflecting on what feels suitable for her, and it is valid for her to prioritize the people who have been her support system throughout her journey.
"While it is natural to feel some sense of duty to family, actual obligation is nuanced, especially in complicated relationships or where OP has felt more like a financial resource than a daughter. Leaving her legacy to those who have supported her is not selfish—it is a personal decision that honors her values and experiences."
Reddit Reacts
The Reddit community shared their support and advice with the woman.
"NTA. You've thought carefully about your decision, and you're making arrangements that align with your values and relationships. Your half-bro's care is undeniably a huge responsibility, but it's also a responsibility that rests with your mom and stepdad. It's clear that you have a deep bond with your best friend's kids, who've been a huge source of comfort and support to you," one user said.
"I am so, profoundly sorry to hear about your situation. It is entirely for you to do what you want with your inheritance. It sounds like your best friend has really been there for you so if it feels right to leave the money to her & the children you love/have brought you so much joy then of course you should go ahead," said another user.
Newsweek reached out to u/Exotic_Shock_4799 via Reddit for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
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