A Case Against "Living For the Plot" in 2025

We are the generation of living for the plot. Even before our exposure to coming-of-age rom coms and self-focused platforms like TikTok and X, we've seen our lives as stories and ourselves, its main characters. Joan Didion said so herself decades ago, planting the seeds for the often quintessential way 20- and 30-somethings conceptualize our own lives.

"Living for the plot" was originally coined by content creator Serena Kerrigan, but its popularity often resurges during the new year: the perfect time to start a new season or era.

Perhaps it's landed so well with women because traditional gender norms often force us into a stereotypical storyline, regardless of what we truly want. Go to school, finish college, find a job, start a family, and work until we die. When living for the plot, though, young women have the freedom to flip the script. These days, we live vicariously through TikTok users running it back with their exes, stepping into messy situationships, or even moving halfway across the world — the kind of over-the-top storylines we grew up watching on screen.

But in 2025, more women are considering the potential drawbacks of this mindset. And according to experts, the fleeting attention we receive may not be worth the significant mental and emotional toll of seeking out dramatic, risky, or toxic interactions and situations.

After a bad breakup, Sarah*, a 24-year-old creative, decided to live for the plot and step into the dating scene. "I was the only one among my friends who was doing this, and they enjoyed hearing about all these crazy stories that they would have never tried for themselves," she says. "It brought me great joy to be able to just sit with them, recount all the stupid decisions I was making, and feel like I was a character out of a chick flick we all enjoyed."

But in our pursuit of the next great story, we may end up losing sight of who we truly are — which is in no small part influenced by the social media-driven world we live in. "In today's society, we've become so accustomed to the dramatics of reality TV that it's blurred the lines between authentic experiences and those that are deemed worthy of online attention," says Patricia Dixon, PsyD, a licensed clinical psychologist who specializes in relationship counseling, self-improvement, and mental wellness. "As we feel pressured to outdo one another and remain relevant, risky behavior eventually becomes normalized."

Sarah, for example, started feeling guilty about the way she was dating. "Deep down, I knew I was never going to see a lot of the guys I was talking to. But I was leading them on to believe they stood a chance, just because it seemed fun at the time," she says. Indeed, living for the plot can be a rather solipsistic exercise: those around us are treated as mere side quests, conduits for our character development.

This mindset has also been applied outside of the realm of dating. Some have gone rogue when it comes to their social lives, hobbies, and overall life trajectory — with mixed results. Jane*, a 21-year-old student, felt that the solution to feeling alone and bored in a new town was to go out every night. "But when you push your analytical side away for so long, you'll eventually come to regret it," she admits. By the end of her first semester, her life had spiraled out of control. "I remember a couple of weeks where I had missed entire days because I would wake up at 6 p.m.," she says. "I would be out partying all night and wouldn't go home until noon."

According to Dr. Dixon, viewing our lived reality as fiction could lead to dissociation: a disconnect between our thoughts, actions, and identity. Such escapism facilitates riskier decisions, without much regard for the outcomes. But it's also a convenient way to forget just how much time, effort, and resources we waste while treating our lives as a social experiment.

How to Live For the Plot in a Healthy Way

The line between little acts of rebellion and toxic or unhealthy behavior can be a fine one in a world where it seems like everyone is being just as chaotic as you. It is understandably difficult to distinguish which risks are worth taking, and how to even make sure they're calculated enough. "I appreciate the sentiment behind trying everything once, but it isn't always practical or wise. If trying something compromises your values or well-being in any way, it may be best to avoid it," Dr. Dixon says.

For Sarah, it took some outside concern for her to reevaluate how she was living her life. "I justified a lot of what I was doing as it was happening, and only really snapped out of it when my friends intervened," Sarah says. "But remember that they can only help you if you disclose all information to them. Maybe the fact that you're hiding something is already your sign that what you're doing is wrong." Until she figures out what she really wants from a relationship, Sarah has placed herself in a "dating detox" for now.

Meanwhile, Jane found that self-reflection was necessary in changing the course of her actions. After receiving her grades for the first semester, she decided on her own to climb her way out of her rut. Now, her partying days are behind her as she builds a career for herself in journalism. "People tend to confuse overthinking with critical thinking, but you still need to do the latter even when you're trying to avoid the former," she says.

Indeed, finding the right balance for you requires an honest conversation: how do you define an interesting life? Are your sources of fulfillment and validation internal or external? Dr. Dixon recommends examining your motivations: "Are we trying something new because it genuinely excites us, or are we simply seeking validation from others? When we approach new experiences with genuine curiosity and personal interest, we are more likely to remain authentic."

Many folks talk about living for the plot in order to minimize future regrets: booking that spontaneous trip abroad, taking a chance on a fiery love interest, quitting your job to try out your own venture. But this longing may be rooted in the unfounded assumption that things would have always been better on the other side. Sometimes, the awareness we gain from trying isn't worth the pain we get in the process.

Instead, Dixon suggests a reframing tactic when faced with the fear of missing out: "Genuine regret over missed opportunities can be used instead as a compass for the future, inspiring us to make more intentional choices moving forward and embrace opportunities that align with values and aspirations."

The story of our lives can stretch out for several more decades, if we let it. Why is our idea of a good narrative steeped in so much high-stakes drama, anyway? True character development can also occur in moments of quiet reflection, too – something that Sarah is finally wrapping her head around this year.

"Come to think of it, I didn't really do or even learn anything meaningful about myself as I was 'living for the plot,'" she says. "So this year, it doesn't matter if I'm 'boring' by society's standards as long as I'm living a life that's truly mine."

*Names have been changed to protect the identity of interviewees

Angel Martinez is a Manila-based culture writer, consumer researcher, and content strategist. Her work on the internet, identity, and their intersections has been published in Vice, i-D, Vox, and Business Insider, among others.