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A woman’s whole idea of her relationship was turned on its head after her fiancé made a shocking revelation to her… SIX YEARS into their engagement.
Imagine being engaged to a person for more than half a decade and FINALLY getting to the point in your lives where you’re ready to start planning the wedding… But after allll that time, you find out your partner doesn’t actually want to get married!
That’s what happened to a netizen sharing her story on Slate’s money advice column Pay Dirt earlier this week. She wrote:
“I’ve been engaged to my boyfriend for six years. We thought we would get married sooner but between moving to another state and establishing ourselves in our fields, it has taken us several years to be financially stable. Recently, I mentioned to him that I wanted to start planning the wedding and he dropped a bombshell saying that he wants to keep living together but he doesn’t really believe in the formality of a wedding and that the government shouldn’t intervene in our lives, it’s an antiquated sexist custom, it’s a needless expense, etc.”
What a bomb to drop… Why would he not have mentioned that — oh, we don’t know — a year ago? Five years ago? BEFORE they got engaged?! She added:
“We’ve had several discussions and he won’t budge. I know his reasoning is practical; for example, he says we could take a trip to France rather than spend money on dinner and a dress I’ll only wear once, but I love the idea of a wedding.”
That’s quite the tricky predicament! The points he’s making aren’t bad, per se. A French vacation would be an unforgettable experience. And maybe marriage is pretty old-fashioned since women can own property now instead of being property.
Related: Gisele Bündchen Won’t Marry Joaquim Valente Despite Pregnancy For THIS Reason!
However… We just can’t take his arguments in good faith right now. Unfortunately after putting this thing off and letting his fiancée believe they’d be getting married for all these years? We have to take this as a big red flag that he just isn’t that into her. Sorry. But her sister got the same message!
“My sister says he isn’t serious about me if he’s not willing to make this commitment, and I see her point. She says plenty of other men would give me the wedding instead of dashing my dreams. I’ve invested six years of my life with him and I don’t know if I want to break up with him over this single issue, but I am increasingly snapping at him and fighting. I don’t know what to do. I feel I’ve been tricked and now I’m trapped.”
In response, Pay Dirt raised some thought-provoking questions, like if the woman wants to take that step with her man for the benefits of marriage, or if she just wants to have that fairytale-style wedding — and probed about which one her fiancé really objects to:
“Your fiancé clearly doesn’t believe in spending thousands of dollars on a wedding that will last a few hours. Fine. Plenty of couples buy a white dress for a few hundred dollars and put on a jacket and slacks, go to town hall, get married, and have a nice dinner. But reading between the lines, the money seems to be the least of it. It sounds like he objects to marriage itself. Have you probed that ‘government intervention/antiquated sexist custom’ comment a little further? If you’re not married, and something happens to one of you, then the other isn’t going to be able to make key decisions about healthcare or assets. You’ll need paperwork to cover your bases on these things — more ‘government intervention.’ Is he willing to do that to protect you and what you’re building together? And, why does his perspective about your relationship take priority over yours?”
That’s certainly a lot for the potential bride to think over! Pay Dirt also asked if she and her fiancé are even really “still in love with each other.”
This is a REALLY tricky one! Who’s right in this situation? There’s not a lot of room for compromise there — what do YOU think, Perezcious readers?? Let us know in the comments down below!
[Images via Universal Pictures/YouTube]
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