If there is one lesson to be learned in these incredibly politically polarized times, it’s this: The only people who should be tuning into primetime television coverage on Election Day evening are political junkies, math nerds and the hopelessly masochistic.
Early in the evening, CNN’s Jake Tapper, reciting numerous early results, constantly repeated the warning, “It’s still very early!” It certainly was, since in most cases the percentage of tallied votes was in the single digits. Tapper also advised us to settle in and “brew a pot of coffee,” which was not exactly what viewers needed to calm their jittery nerves or maintain sphincter control.
Whether you were watching the broadcast networks or the cable news stations, the coverage was largely dominated by commentators, mostly white men, standing in front of electronic screens while frantically waving their arms like weathermen on speed. Foremost among them, of course, remains MSNBC’s Steve Kornacki, who shot to fame in 2020 thanks to his quicksilver delivery and trademark khaki pants. He came across tonight like an over-caffeinated Harry Potter, analyzing historical trends and the voting history of particular counties with the sort of in-depth detail that would make a Talmudic scholar envious.
All of the networks have similar figures working their fancy screens, such as CNN’s John King and his “Magic Wall” and Fox News’ Bill Hemmer and his “Bill-board.” This year, MSNBC even provided an online “Kornacki Cam” — streaming on Peacock and YouTube — to satiate those viewers unwilling to tolerate any moment he’s not on the air.
The coverage began in relatively lighthearted fashion, via such moments as an exit poll interview with a young man in North Carolina who confessed to CNN that he had no intention of voting until his girlfriend gave him an ultimatum. He voted, of course, for Harris, and it made you think that women concerned about their reproductive rights might have wished they’d followed through on those whimsical notions about a Lysistrata-style sex strike.
Speaking of male votes, particularly of the younger variety, we learned that the Trump campaign was “laser-focused” on getting them to the polls that night. And why shouldn’t they be, considering the young Arizona man who told an MSNBC interviewer that he voted for Trump because Harris hadn’t bothered to appear on Joe Rogan’s podcast? Is it any wonder that the country is in trouble when Rogan, formerly best known as the host of Fear Factor, has become one of the most influential figures in American society?
Needless to say, the folks at Fox News could barely contain their glee as Trump racked up early wins in state after state. Their “economic panel,” consisting of such supposed intellectual heavyweights as Maria Bartiromo and Fox Business’ Larry Kudlow, affirmed that the electorate was turning against Harris because of the Biden administration’s “open border policy and stimmy checks.”
Kellyanne Conway helpfully explained that “wokeness and weakness” were on the ballot. Sean Hannity was practically drooling over the possibility of a Trump win. And Laura Ingraham was already declaring it “the greatest political comeback in history.” Throughout the evening, Fox called states for Trump earlier than the other networks, to the point where Jesse Watters mockingly complained, “Are we sure about New Jersey?” when that reliably blue state was called for Harris.
Plenty of races were decided early, of course, including the defeat of referendums in Florida involving loosening abortion restrictions and the legalization of recreational marijuana. Both measures received the majority of votes, mind you, but not the required “supermajority” of 60 percent. It’s all part of Gov. Ron DeSantis’ apparently successful crusade to make Florida the most regressive state in the country. As MSNBC’s Lawrence O’Donnell put it, the outcome represented “Republican-defined, minority-rule government.”
As the results poured in, commentators from all of the networks kept referring not only to “bellwethers” but also “bellwethers within bellwethers,” to numbing effect. Along the way, we learned about various election hiccups, including the Trump campaign claiming election fraud in Philadelphia (shocking, I know); bomb threats called in to numerous polling places in Georgia, some apparently traced to Russia; and problems with mail-in ballots in Nevada because, and I’m not making this up, “young voters don’t know how to sign their names.”
Ultimately, the downbeat tone of the evening was summed up by, of all people, Sen. Joe Manchin, who never managed to pick a side. He told CBS’ Jim Acosta, “We will survive whoever wins.” Which pretty much explains why practically no one in America can stand Joe Manchin.
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