Daughter horrified after reading family court report as dad fought for access

As David Dunne glances at a cherished photograph of his beloved daughters Aoife and Alannah as youngsters, tears fill his eyes.

It takes him back to the darkest time in his life when he spent a long time in the Family Court system trying to get proper access to his girls following a divorce.

Today, it’s a different story; all three are happily reunited and fully part of each other's lives.

But David, 67, says he owes everything to the charity Families Needs Fathers, who tomorrow (23rd) celebrate 50 years with a reception at the House of Lords hosted by Lord David Blunkett.

At that event, David and his daughters Aoife, 31, and Alannah, 33, will speak to MPS, Lords, and senior figures in the Family Court system about their experience and tell their emotional stories.

The charity, has helped more than 120,000 children over the last half century, has 32,000 service users per year and 33 regional meetings a month, and last week its members voted to change its name to Both Parents Matter, this will take effect from next month.

The charity advocates for an early resolution process to keep families out of court where possible and to provide the best solution for the child.

David said: “Without Families Needs Fathers I don’t know what I would have done, it was a lifeline, I remember going to a meeting and just sobbing. The members there gave me support, I knew I was not on my own and that I could get through this.

“I said I just wanted to be part of my children’s lives, there were people there going through the process, who were able to help me.

“I thought the courts were going to be fair and treat us equally but that wasn’t the case I had an uphill battle.”

“I’ve been involved with the charity since for more than 20 years.”

Today David’s daughters, Alannah and Aoife regularly speak at Families Needs Fathers meetings, to share their experience of the effect the divorce and family court proceedings had on their lives.

David, said: “It brings me to tears to hear their account, I am so proud of them but at the same time hearing how everything affected them makes me sad.

“But their testimony is very powerful and for those in the early days of court hearings who have lost hope, it gives them strength that one day they can have their family back.”

David, who now chairs a London branch of the charity, said he was married for 13 years when his wife asked for a divorce.

“I took it very badly and had a nervous breakdown and was in hospital, for six weeks, when it first happened the girls, who were eight and 10- years-old, came to visit me, but then I got a letter to say it wasn’t appropriate for the children to be visiting me in the hospital and the visits stopped.

“When I came out of hospital contact was supervised by friends and I was allowed to see the children every other weekend for a few hours at a time. I had nowhere of my own to live so I was staying with a cousin in Plymouth and I had to travel all the way up to London and back for those few hours.

“It was hell, I had gone from being a dad who saw his children all the time to having to navigate a very complex court system which I felt was biased against fathers.

“Eventually I moved into a property close to the children and after about a year the supervision stopped and I was beginning to make progress in the Family Court, regarding contact, and finally got granted every other weekend and half the school holidays after two years.

“At the end of the court proceedings I got an unusual order, as there was no order regarding contact made and neither me or my ex wife had residence, it was as if we were still married, that was what I was looking for.

“I also got the judge to write to my children confirming that no one had the right to tell them when they could or could not see me, which was marvellous. I wouldn’t have got this without the help of Families Need Fathers.

“The children and I discussed how we would see each other and we decided they could come pop in as I lived nearby and we could enjoy holiday times away.”

Aoife, said: “The most poignant time was going through the process with Cafcass – the Courts and Family Courts Advisory and Support Service -when we didn’t have proper contact and being pulled between both parents and feeling as if our voice was not being properly heard by anyone and the anxiety and turmoil that caused.

“We didn’t realise at the time but in hindsight, Cafcass, we felt as provider was meant to be giving children a voice but in our case, it wasn’t speaking for the children, it was manipulating the process.

“I remember a lady interviewing me and asking me what family life was like and then she asked if I played hide and seek and where would I hide? It seemed like an odd question, she also asked if my parents argued and who shouted the loudest.

“Years later, I sneaked into my mother's files and found some court documents, and I found the Cafcass report, which read: “Aoife was so terrified when her dad was screaming she’d hide behind the sofa.

“It wasn’t true, and I was shocked when I read that and how it was all painted.

“We just wanted to live with mum and see dad whenever wanted to, having to see dad on set days was really difficult for us as if there was a pay to go to then we couldn’t attend.

"The handover was stressful. Mum bumping into Dad and looking at our watch for the end of the session for fear of being late back just ruined our time with Dad.

“Not until the very last hearing did anyone ask us what we wanted, if anything can change in the Family Courts it should be to ask the children what they want.”

David has now remarried wife, Chamila, and has now retired to Ireland.

Aoife said: “When we first did the presentation to Families Need Fathers it was the first time we’d spoken to each other about how we felt and was very cathartic.

"Dad didn't even realise how we felt about the process until we spoke at the meetings but I'm glad we can help.

“Lookng back it was a tough time, Mum would get annoyed that dad was taking her to court but today I’m so grateful that dad did fight for us and we are all in each others lives today."

• For help from Both Parents Matter (formerly Families Need Fathers) go to www.bothparentsmatter.org.uk