Around two years ago, a mom from Massachusetts came to her husband with an ultimatum: a significant change to the dynamic of their relationship or a divorce.
Paige Turner, 34, explained how she came to this decision in a TikTok video, where she told viewers that the inequities in her house were "too vast."
Turner told Newsweek that she was doing the bulk of domestic tasks as well as child care in her home—differences she thought were exacerbated by the pandemic.
"I was working from home, and my husband was not, so it led to a very unequal division in our home. We did the Fair Play (by Eve Rodksy) game, and it objectively showed I was doing much more when it came to the daily tasks [and] chores in our home," she said.
At the time she presented the ultimatum, Turner said to her husband, "I don't want to live like this" as they had their hands full with an eight-month-old, a daughter just over 18 months, a four-year-old and a five-year-old. Turner said in her TikTok video that she was "drowning" in laundry and the children's schooling, among other things.
When her husband was invited on a guys' golf trip, Turner said that it was OK for him to go—she just needed to know dates so that she could prepare. When she didn't hear any more about the trip, Turner assumed it wasn't happening, until a wife of one of the men going asked what she was doing at the weekend while their husbands were away.
With just two days' notice, Turner was annoyed to say the least. Unprepared for what her weekend now entailed—soccer practice, gymnastics and grocery shopping with four kids—the couple had a fight about the lack of planning.
"I was feeling as though he just didn't see me or appreciate me," Turner said in her clip. Fast forward to today, Turner and her husband have worked on becoming equal partners. He's going to a bachelor party this weekend but things look a little differently.
Turner's husband had given her advanced notice, shopped for groceries, done two loads of laundry, helped her take their daughters to gymnastics and let her sleep in the morning of his departure. "We've come a very long way," Turner added.
The mom of four told Newsweek that she believes marriages thrive when both parents are feeling supported and cared for. "I believe equity ultimately leads to happier and healthier lives where no one is left carrying the burden of the domestic work which inevitably leads to burnout," she added.
Turner's video has clocked up over 641,000 views as well as hundreds of comments, many of whom praised the mom for talking about the subject.
"People need to know change is possible," one user wrote. Many were asking Turner for advice for couples on the same journey.
One shared that they too played the Fair Play game with their partner but their marriage didn't last. "I'm now divorced," they wrote.
Turner acknowledged a divisive reaction from other social media users and noticed a gender split in the comments.
"Some men do not believe that men need to be participating in what they view as 'female tasks'. Women really loved it and wanted more advice on how we achieved this change," she said.
English (US) ·