A man who has inherited a "large chunk" of money following his parents' deaths does not plan to split it with his wife.
The man, posting on Reddit under the username u/HorridDogGas, took to the AITAH [Am I The A*****e] sub on November 5 to ask for advice on how to break the news to his spouse.
He explained he was given a large amount of stock when his parents became ill and later inherited other large sums after their deaths.
"Long story short, my wife thinks half is hers, and she has 'ideas' on how to spend just about all of it," he wrote.
He has not commingled the money in any joint funds and has now turned to the internet to ask if he would be in the wrong for telling her straight out: "My inheritance is mine, not 'ours.'"
Dazed Therapy founder Braquelle Murphy told Newsweek that the man should "express himself clearly and without ambiguity " and "communicate what he is able to compromise on."
"When working with couples, I encourage them to plan ahead for these conversations and to use helpful communication strategies," such as discussing one topic at a time and taking breaks if the discussion gets too heated, she said. "The more clear he is with his boundaries and communication, there is less room for assuming."
The man clarified that he would be "willing to indulge her wants" but would be the "final authority" on how the money would be spent, saying he wanted to "break it to her in the right way."
He insisted that their 35-year marriage had been strong up to this point, and they had never had a serious argument over money.
Marcella Mollon-Williams, a behavioral financial advisor at Legacy Builder Group, LLC, told Newsweek that "a marriage is all about partnership, and each partner needs to feel equally valued."
Mollon-Williams said the man should start by explaining his perspective, that the inheritance "feels deeply personal and that it represents a part of your family's legacy," and that he wants to keep it separate, which would set "a compassionate tone."
"Since he is willing to 'indulge her wants,' be sure to emphasize that she's still valued as your partner in financial decision-making," she advised.
"You could suggest discussing how a portion of the funds might be used to support shared goals or dreams, which can make the inheritance feel like it's positively impacting both of your lives."
Reddit users also gave their best advice, with one urging the poster to "save [his] griping until absolutely necessary."
Another advised him to lead with, "'This is my plan for what to do with the money.' Since you are happily married, I think you should also tell her why—talk about the future, retirement, long term plans," they wrote.
Some were baffled at the fact they would not spend the money together after a 35-year marriage, with one writing: "In our household we don't split anything, and we don't divide it up between us. It's ours mutually and we mutually decide what to do with our resources."
According to Magnify Money, the top 1 percent of wealthiest families in the United States can expect to inherit an average of $1,700,000, while the bottom 50 percent of families receive an average inheritance of $9,700.
Those in the middle receive an average of $110,050—six times less than the top 1 percent.
Newsweek reached out to u/HorridDogGas via Reddit for comment.
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