Maura Higgins has opened up about the heart-wrenching guilt she felt following her best friend's death. The Love Island star felt that the events of that tragic day might have unfolded differently if she had made other choices.
Andrew Rowan, Maura's best friend, tragically died at the age of 26 in a devastating motorcycle crash. He was involved in a collision with three cars in Athlone, Ireland, in 2017.
The grieving reality star has since taken to the We Need To Talk podcast run by Married At First Sight host Paul Brunson where they discussed several topics, one of which being how she blames herself for Andrew's death.
Maura reflecting on the day, said: "For so long I blamed myself for it because when I look back at that day, the day was so crazy.
"I can't work my head around it. He called me and he'd finished work early, which wasn't really meant to happen. He was like, 'I have finished work early, let's grab some food.' I was like, 'I can't be fed, I am still in my pyjamas, I really can't be f***ed.'
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We Need To Talk/YouTube)She continued, admitting she still wonders about her decision: "I am not as bad as I was with it, but I still think, 'Why didn't I just go with him?' He wouldn't have been on the motorbike, we would have been in his car, we would have got food and maybe the day would have been different."
Trying to hold back tears, she said: "I don't want to cry. I am so not a crier as well. I think I just beat myself up over it because it would have been different."
When Paul asked her if she still blamed herself, she responded: "I just know it would have been different if I just got f***ing dressed and wasn't so lazy."
Despite not going to dinner with Andrew, Maura revealed they had crossed paths earlier that day. "I didn't go for the dinner but I still saw him that day. I will never forget him arriving on the bike, and I remember straight away saying, 'Why are you on the bike?' He's not a biker and every time he was on it, I just didn't understand. I just didn't like it. He was like, 'It's a great day, it is a lovely day outside.'
"I will never forget when he left, he said he was going to take a drive on the bike. I went into the toilet and I could hear his motorbike, and I got these shivers.
"I remember thinking to myself, 'Maura, stop thinking bad.' Then a few hours later, I get a phone call. It is such a weird day when I look back."
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Instagram)Paul helped Maura process her emotions, assuring her that she is not to blame and that she shouldn't be hard on herself.
Maura entered the Love Island villa as a bombshell later in 2019, revealing that she had been going through a lot before her entrance.
Now, the star is moving on to her next reality show and is reportedly set to join the I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here! jungle “imminently” after her surprise trip to Las Vegas.
The Love Island star was absent from the official line-up for the ITV show earlier this week, but is expected to be a late arrival to the Australian jungle camp next week, along with Reverend Richard Coles. Late arrivals to camp are usual on I’m A Celeb, but Maura has been trying to distract from her appearance in the jungle by going on a shock trip to the US.
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