Love Island star Maura Higgins suffered a tremendous loss before finding fame, and even blamed herself for what happened.
The TV personality, 33, is set to shake things up in the I'm A Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here! jungle as she arrives on Thursday, alongside Reverand Richard Coles. As she landed Down Under ahead of her ITV appearance, Maura told the Mirror: "I have no clue what time it is, I don't know where I am. In fact, I've done the opposite of preparing myself [for the jungle].
"I've tried not to think about it, because when I think about it, I get so much anxiety." The former ring girl has previously opened up about her mental health, and the harrowing loss of her best friend.
She has bravely spoken out about how much her perspective on life changed after her pal Andrew Rowan, aged just 26, tragically died in a traffic collision in Co Athlone, Ireland in 2017. The tragedy forced her to change her outlook for the future as she realised just how short life can be.
Maura devastatingly shared she blamed herself for Andrew's death and still struggles with those feelings to this day. "For so long I blamed myself for it because when I look back at that day, the day was so crazy," she said. "I can't work my head around it. He called me and he'd finished work early, which wasn't really meant to happen. He was like 'I have finished work early, lets grab some food'. I was like 'I can't be f***ed, I am still in my pyjamas I really can't be f***ed'."
Speaking to Paul Carrick Brunson on his We Need to Talk podcast, Maura explained: "I am not as bad as I was with it but I still think 'why didn't I just go with him'. He wouldn't have been on the motorbike, we would have been in his car, we would have got food and maybe the day would have been different."
She then became emotional as she admitted her feelings of guilt. "I don't want to cry. I am so not a crier as well. I think I just beat myself up over it because it would have been different." Paul asked Maura if she truly blames herself to this day, to which she replied: "I just know it would have been different if I just got f***ing dressed and wasn't so lazy."
Maura revealed she had seen Andrew on the day he died. She remembered: "I didn't go for the dinner but I still saw him that day. I will never forget him arriving on the bike and I remember straight away saying 'why are you on the bike?' He's not a biker and every time he was on it, I just didn't understand. I just didn't like it. He was like 'it's a great day, it is a lovely day outside'.
"I will never forget when he left he said he was going to take a drive on the bike. I went into the toilet and I could hear his motorbike and I got these shivers. I remember thinking to myself, 'Maura stop thinking bad'. Then a few hours later I get a phone call. It is such a weird day when I look back."
Recalling the moment she heard of Andrew's death, Maura admitted she didn't believe it. She called Andrew's phone "maybe 100 times" and confessed she "physically couldn't stop". Her ex boyfriend was the one to tell her the tragic news as she said she knew it was true "immediately" when she saw his face.
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