"Maybe one day I will become interested in [history], but I hope not. There's so many more exciting things to be interested in. At least I'm told there are."
Philomena Cunk is just as surprised as anyone else at her own popularity. "I'm surprised I am popular with anyone, because the topics they make me talk about—history, art and science—are amongst the most unpopular topics in the world." But she's on a mission to make the subject of history at least somewhat bearable in her new book The World According to Cunk: An Illustrated History of All World Events Ever. "The ideal gift book is about something that a loved one is interested in. This book is about everything, so you can hedge your bets if you've not been listening." For her, the Dark Ages was the easiest period to write about. "You can make that bit up. Nobody had a clue what was going on from about 100 A.D. until Shakespeare invented the quill and wrote it down. Any historian doing the Dark Ages is basically freewheeling." But out of everyone she's looked into, there's one historical figure she's most impressed by. "I am very drawn to Steve Guttenberg. To have invented both Police Academy 4 and the Bible is one hell of an achievement."
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Editor's Note: This conversation has been edited and condensed for publication.
What inspired you to write this book?
Writing this book was literally a dream come true. I have quite boring dreams. Then I had one about being contractually obliged to deliver a book about world history. It was better than the dream about the gutters needing clearing, but not much.
I've always found the thought of writing a book quite daunting, the thought of people judging what I wrote. But then it got to a point where I realized–no one reads books any more, so it doesn't matter what I write, no one is ever going to read it. Like no one's reading this now are they? I hope not.
What period of history was the most difficult for you to write about?
Nowadays was a really hard time to write about, because there aren't as many history books on it and none of them have pictures of T-Rexes and Henry VIII, which is what history books need. Also, nobody knows how long nowadays is or when it ends, except that thin woman who does psychic readings down the shopping center, and she's more expensive per hour than historians.
The easiest bit was the Dark Ages. You can make that bit up. Nobody had a clue what was going on from about 100 A.D. until Shakespeare invented the quill and wrote it down. Any historian doing the Dark Ages is basically freewheeling. I wanted to put Smurfs in that bit, but apparently they're not real animals.
Who from history do you relate to most?
I've had my DNA checked, and I'm not related to anyone from history. That's why they won't do me on [British geneology series] Who Do You Think You Are?
But I am very drawn to Steve Guttenberg. To have invented both Police Academy 4: Citizens On Patrol and the Bible is one hell of an achievement.
If you had to choose another time period to live in, when would it be and why?
I can't imagine when it would be that I would have to choose another time period to live in. What a strange demand. Why? Maybe because some aliens with a time machine force me to at gunpoint, I suppose. I would choose Wild West times because of all the baked beans.
If Instagram or TikTok were around, who from history would have the best social media presence?
Cleopatra would be a contender—the make-up tutorials would be amazing, and she would be brilliant at emojis.
They say Hitler was a very powerful manipulator of mass media so who knows how far he could have gone if he'd had TikTok as a platform. Although unless he's lip-syncing to Britney [Spears], giving tips on how to bleed radiators or putting a dog on a skateboard, I don't think he'd show up on most people's feeds. Which is probably for the best.
When did you first become interested in the subject of history?
That has never happened to me. Maybe one day I will become interested in it, but I hope not. There's so many more exciting things to be interested in. At least I'm told there are, I can't think of any at the moment.
What about our current culture do you think historians will write about?
By "our current culture" do you mean how much electricity we use these days? I suppose future historians will write about that with a sense of anger, if they can find anywhere dry to put their paper as the seas rise around them.
How do you feel history will view Donald Trump?
As a dip in the otherwise very enjoyable Home Alone 2.
The World According to Cunk is coming out over the holiday season. Why is this book the perfect gift?
It's the perfect gift because, with its sharp right-angled corners and modest dimensions, it's so easy to wrap. And even easier to unwrap. And then easy to wrap again when the recipient decides to regift it.
The ideal gift book is about something that a loved one is interested in. This book is about everything, so you can hedge your bets, if you've not been listening to them.
How do you think history will look back on you?
As the inventor of the jet engine. I've seen the mad replies you get off a Google search these days now the A.I. robots have kicked off, and I hope to be mistakenly credited for something that really changed the world. That or the bassist out of Fleetwood Mac.
Why does it seem like British culture respects history more than U.S. culture does?
I think that's because there's more history in Britain. We have dentures older than America. In the U.S. something's considered historical if it doesn't have WiFi. People say things like, "This hotel might be haunted, it's really old, it was built in 1989."
Also, we need to know what our past was like so we can sell you television shows set there.
Are you surprised to have become so popular with Americans?
Yes. Because our tastes are sometimes so very different. For example, British chocolate bars have a milky, chocolatey flavor, while American ones taste of dried cat vomit.
The truth is, I'm surprised I am popular with anyone, because the topics they make me talk about—history, art and science—are amongst the most unpopular topics in the world. They're the topics they have to make people go to school for because they are so dreadful that no one would learn about them otherwise. If only they'd get me to talk about really popular things—like monkeypox, say, or driving cars too fast or things that professional chefs don't want you to know—imagine how big I could become?
You had a viral meme with, "Which was more culturally significant: the Renaissance or Single Ladies by Beyoncé?" How do you think memes will be viewed historically?
As of equal significance to "Uptown Funk" by Mark Ronson feat. Bruno Mars.
What's next for you? Is there anything your fans can look forward to?
I've got my new show Cunk on Life, which is going to debut on BBC Two and BBC iPlayer later this year and on Netflix outside of the U.K. and Ireland. That's all I'm allowed to say about it legally. But luckily that's all I know about it, so it's impossible for me to break the law. In this case. I could break it in other ways, but I'm hardly likely to draw attention to that in Newsweek, am I?
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