It's tricky trying to navigate any kind of relationship - particularly romantic ones - how do you know if you're actually happy or you're simply coasting along?
It's an age old question and one that can be extremely challenging to know how to answer truthfully for yourself.
Luckily, though, professional counsellor Jeff Guenther, who shares relationship advice to millions via his social media pages, is at hand to help us figure it all out.
The Oregon-based counsellor, who started out by using his degree in child and family development and now runs his own private practice in the US, is known for providing realistic and actionable relationship advice with his followers by regularly uploading self help videos to his social media channels.
Jeff shares questions for judging how healthy your relationship is
And in a bid to help couples know themselves and their significant other a bit better, the therapist recently took to TikTok (@therapyjeff) to reveal the ‘ten questions to answer to find out whether you are actually into your partner’ and here they are:
Am I still drawn to them?
Not feeling like you’re still drawn to your partner could be a warning sign, Jeff says.
“Knowing everything I know about them, the good, the bad, the quirks, the conflicts, if I bumped into them now would I still be drawn to them?
“Or, would I immediately swipe left and keep my options open?”
How would you feel if a friend was dating them?
Understanding how you’d see your relationship if you were looking in as a third party is important for determining how healthy things are between you and your significant other.
“How would I feel if my best friend was dating my current partner and I had never dated them?
“Would I be genuinely happy for them, maybe even a little envious, or would I feel like staging an intervention?”
Do I feel pulled away by crushes and attractions?
The expert suggested it’s wise to consider whether ‘outside attractions or crushes’ are pulling you away from your partner.
“Can I experience them in a cute and innocent way that actually fuels my attraction to my partner?”
Jeff shares the best ways to know how happy you are in your relationship
Do I keep things hidden about my relationship?
The next question the therapist suggested asking is: “Am I avoiding sharing certain things about my partner or relationship with my friends, family or therapist?
“Because I’m hiding potential red flags that might make them concerned and force me to confront those issues.”
Are we growing together?
“Do I feel like we’re growing together and challenging each other to evolve?” the expert continued.
“Or has the relationship become stagnant where I’ve hit my personal growth limit and it just sort of feels like we’re coasting in a comfortable routine?”
Am I excited for the future?
Jeff says that being ‘genuinely excited’ about your future with your partner is an important sign to look out for.
He said: “Do I feel genuinely excited about our future together or am I more excited about the idea of any kind of change even if it doesn’t involve us?”
He recommends asking yourself whether you are ‘planning’ for you and your partner or are ‘secretly daydreaming about solo adventures’.
Do I want to share my wins with them?
Next, Jeff suggested thinking about who you are most excited to share your successes with.
He commented: “When something great happens in my life, is my partner a part of my inner circle that I want to share it with?
“Or do I usually think of other people to tell first? Are they one of my go-tos for the good stuff?”
Do I let the little things annoy me?
The expert recommended thinking about whether your partner irritates you and, if so, how you handle those annoyances.
He said: “Am I more focused on what I love about my partner or do I dwell on the little things that annoy me?
“Like aww their toots keep me warm or do I need to take them to the ER because their farts are making me nauseous.”
Am I attracted to them?
Next, the therapist suggests considering whether you’re still attracted to them.
He said: “If the honeymoon period is over do I still feel attracted to them or am I just going through the motions without much magnetism or spark?”
Jeff then goes on to explain that it is ‘normal for desire to ebb and flow’ but that if you’re in an ebb and don’t want to make the effort to get ‘back into the flow’ that’s a warning sign.
Am I emotionally safe?
Finally, the therapist suggests asking yourself ‘do I feel emotionally safe and understood in this relationship?’.
He explained: “Or do I keep certain parts of myself hidden to avoid conflict, judgement or angry outbursts?”
Next, Jeff explains that: “Answering negatively to any of these questions doesn’t mean you need to break up, it’s simply something to be more mindful of and possibly work on changing.”
People were quick to comment on the video, sharing their thoughts on the therapist’s approach to ‘finding out whether you’re actually into your partner’.
One commented: “I love these questions and reflections from you. Makes me think and helps me be more mindful of my relationship.”
A second added: “I wish I could have had access to this 20 years ago. Would have saved a lot of time, energy and shame.”
While a third commented: “This is so helpful.”
English (US) ·