A woman has been left "deeply offended" after her boyfriend made an offhand comment about his female childhood friend.
The 26-year-old woman and original poster (OP), Reddit user Left-Mail-292, shared her story on r/AITA_WIBTA_PUBLIC, explaining that she has been attending martial arts classes as part of her regular fitness routine.
After one session, she called her boyfriend and mentioned she had run into a mutual friend of Josie, his childhood friend who had also become her close friend over the years.
However, her boyfriend then said something that left her deeply unsettled.
"On [the] call, my boyfriend casually says, 'Josie is the one who should be attending Martial arts classes since so many guys have been after her since high school.'
"When I asked him what he even meant by that, he said, 'Well, for self-defense, you know.'
"I don't know why but this deeply offended me and I felt extremely weird about why my boyfriend would say that. I argued with him and he flipped out and said I crossed a line even insinuating that he thinks of her as anything else.
"I felt it was such an unnecessary comment which shouldn't have been made in the first place and I feel gaslighted, since he has no grounds to be offended.
"AITA for getting upset with him?"
Many Reddit users, however, backed the OP, with one writing, "'Josie is the one who should be' shows that he's comparing her to you and implying that you don't need martial arts classes because men don't chase after you/you're not as pretty as her.
"You were 100% in the right to get mad, comparing you to another girl is just messed up."
Another added, "NTA. But I think you also need to consider why he's making jokes about how she needs to be combat-ready because it's given that men are going to try to overpower her if they find her attractive. That's not something to joke about."
How to Handle Disagreements
While many agreed that her boyfriend's comment was inappropriate, others pointed out the importance of understanding how jokes can land differently depending on the context and personal sensitivities.
According to Psychology Today, humor that touches on sensitive subjects or implies comparisons can erode trust in relationships. "When teasing hurts, it's often because it touches on vulnerabilities or feels dismissive of one's experiences," the publication notes.
In this case, the OP felt dismissed not only because of the comparison but also because her boyfriend had undermined her passion for martial arts. Instead of acknowledging her feelings, his defensive response intensified the conflict.
Relationship experts say that how couples handle disagreements is just as important as the disagreements themselves.
In an article from Newsweek, dating coach Sabrina Zohar advised that asking if one's partner wants a solution or simply listening to them as they share what is on their mind is a good way to make your partner feel supported.
Newsweek has contacted Left-Mail-292 for comment via Reddit.
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