A mom's decision to not honor her daughter's wish to commemorate her late father at her wedding has been backed by the internet, sparking an emotional debate.
The woman posting on Reddit, under the username U/MinuteComfortable992, shared her dilemma in the popular "Am I The A*****?" thread, garnering over 14,000 upvotes.
In her post, she explained that after a difficult relationship with her ex-husband, who struggled with alcoholism, they divorced and he eventually passed away.
She later met and married a new partner while her daughter was away at college, though her daughter's relationship with the stepfather remains strained.
"My daughter is getting married soon, and while I'm excited for her, I've had some concerns about how she's planning the wedding," she wrote.
"She mentioned wanting to include a picture of my late husband at the ceremony, which I completely understand as a way to honor him."
Yet, things took a turn when her daughter made an unexpected request.
"However, she also wants me to sit next to his picture during the ceremony and my husband [...] sit elsewhere," she wrote.
The mom explained that her daughter's plans also included placing a photo of her deceased ex-husband at the family table during the meal, while the mother's current husband would be again be seated somewhere else.
"I told her that I'm not comfortable with that arrangement and I told her no. She got upset and said I was being selfish and disrespectful to her and her father's memory," the mother continued.
"I told her that if that's her plan, I won't be able to attend the wedding."
What followed next was an emotional standoff between the mother and daughter.
"She called me a jerk and now family is involved," the mom added.
An Expert Weighs In
Lynn Zakeri, a therapist from Chicago and the owner of Lynn Zakeri LCSW Clinical Services, weighed in on the complexities of this situation .
"Mothers and daughters, divorces, and step-parents are complicated enough," Zakeri told Newsweek. "When you add in substance abuse and what mom went through, as a therapist, I can't help but see how she is likely more empowered to prioritize her needs in a way she could not do that successfully in her first marriage."
Zakeri pointed out that weddings often amplify existing emotional dynamics, especially between mothers and daughters.
"Losing a parent to substance/alcohol is not just grief but trauma. Was mom able to take care of her daughter's emotional needs then? Or was there discord and miscommunications and feelings of being misunderstood for years and years?"
In Zakeri's experience, many daughters hold high expectations of their mothers, wanting them to prioritize their needs, while mothers hope for less self-centered behavior from their daughters.
She emphasized that most things in life are a compromise and expressed her belief that the daughter could have solid intentions behind the request.
"Is it a big deal for stepdad to sit behind mom? Sometimes this happens at funerals too," Zakeri pointed out.
"With that being said, I would also 100% give validity to mom's feelings of being disrespected. A conversation about why this is important to her daughter is needed and then up to mom to take it or leave it," she stressed.
Reddit Reacts
The Reddit community overwhelmingly supported the mom's decision, with many finding the daughter's request inappropriate.
"NTA [not the a******]. Honestly, the thought is super creepy and morbid to me," one user wrote. "Mom's alive and vibrant with a partner and a new lease on life.
"She's to sit next to a deceased person's photo who she divorced due to his alcoholism like she's on display at a circus sideshow. Wait, I think it's traumatic as well."
Another user chimed in with empathy for the mom, saying, "OP [original poster] is not a wife/mother doll to be posed and displayed. She is an actual person who deserves to have her own marriage treated with the same respect that her daughter wants."
Some even suggested the daughter's behavior was an attempt at punishment. "That's crazy. She is definitely trying to punish you for remarrying. She has lost her mind," commented another Redditor.
Newsweek reached out to u/MinuteComfortable992for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the story.
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