The internet has rallied around a Thanksgiving dinner host for rejecting her cousin's request to invite her friends.
Reddit user (u/Drty_dsny_princess) revealed in the Reddit thread "Am I The A******?" that one of their older cousins usually hosts the festivities, but this year, a major bathroom renovation means the original poster (OP) is taking over.
In the post, which garnered 4,500 upvotes, the OP shared how they rejected their cousin's request to invite friends, stirring some familial conflict.
"This year I'm hosting at my mom's. My mom is OK with me taking over this year. My cousin called and asked what time she should be over and said a few of her friends and co-workers wanted to know what to bring.
"I told her sorry, but that they weren't on the guest list. She seemed annoyed and asked why not. I told her when she hosts she is very unwelcoming to people I would have liked to invite," she wrote.
The cousin argued the decision was unfair since the OP already knew her friends through her. The OP responded that they are not her friends, she only sees them at her cousin's place, and does not make individual plans with them.
"She said I was being an 'a*****,' but it sounded more like the B word. Am I the a*****?," she asked the Reddit community.
Expert Weighs In
Carrie Speed, a mindfulness coach and wellness strategist and the founder of Joyful Rising, weighed in with Newsweek.
"Both the OP and her cousin are drawing boundaries based on their own comfort levels and experiences. The cousin's desire to include friends likely comes from a place of wanting to preserve her sense of tradition, while the OP's decision to keep the gathering smaller reflects her own vision of the holiday," she said.
To move forward, the OP needs to depersonalize the disagreement which is not based on a rejection of the cousin's friends, rather the OP's desire as a host.
Speed advised clear, kind communication can help appease tensions, such as: "I know this is different from what you're used to, but I want to keep things small this year."
"Holiday drama often comes down to clashing expectations and a lack of clear communication. By understanding each other's motives, people can find clarity and preserve relationships without assigning blame," Speed explained.
Reddit Reacts
The Reddit community has largely backed the OP for their decision to exclude the cousin's friends and co-workers from the Thanksgiving table.
"NTA [Not the a******]. Hosts make the guest list," wrote one.
"Honestly, it sounds like she considers this 'her' holiday, and your hosting an extension of her hosting. That would explain why she told her regular guests to show up to your event. That is not your fault, and she should never have invited them without your permission," commented user dryadduinath.
"NTA. Also, why didn't you use the line that you weren't comfortable with people not part of your life? Using their own language makes it easy for them to understand," suggested user tango421.
"NTA—it just depends on what kind of day you want. If your agreement with her is that it's still 'her' day, it's just a different venue—meaning she's putting in a lot of the work—then yeah, it would be nice if it were the same crew.
"But if it's you and your mom doing the bulk of the work, so it's not her 'usual' party just at a different place, then you can do what you want. What would her reaction be if you invited friends?" said another Redditor.
Newsweek reached out to u/Drty_dsny_princess for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of the case.
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