‘As A Therapist, I See Affluent Neglect More Than People Expect’

This is where affluent neglect quietly sneaks in, even when we feel like we’re doing everything right.

What is affluent neglect?

Affluent neglect happens when we meet our children’s material needs but unintentionally overlook their emotional ones. In my work as a psychotherapist, I see this more often than you’d expect—kids who seem to have it all but are left feeling like something’s missing. They have the latest gadgets, the coolest clothes, and all the experiences we think will make them happy, but what they really need is for us to be there. Without that emotional closeness, they can struggle to develop a strong sense of self-worth because they don’t feel fully valued for who they are, just for what they own.

But recognising this isn’t about feeling guilty. We’re all doing the best we can. It’s so easy to get caught up in trying to give our children more—more things, more activities, more opportunities. And yes, those things do show love. But sometimes, we lose sight of the most important gift we can give: ourselves.

This is also a great conversation to have with tweens. They’re growing up in a world where social media and peer pressure make it seem like what you own defines your worth. It’s easy for them to think that having the latest phone or the coolest trainers is the key to happiness. But we can help them see that it’s not the things that matter most—it’s the time spent with the people they love. Playing with the dog, watching a movie, or just chatting on a walk—these are the moments they’ll remember.

Tweens are at an age where they can start to grasp these ideas. They’re beginning to form their own values and understand the world around them, so now’s the time to help them realise that while having nice things is fun, it’s the shared moments that really last. It’s those moments that help them feel secure, valued, and truly seen.

We all know how quickly the years fly by, and the tween stage passes in a flash. When we think back on our own childhoods, it’s rarely the stuff we remember. It’s the conversations, the laughter, the times when someone was really there for us. That’s what our children will remember too. The sense of self-worth they gain from feeling loved, heard, and valued will last far longer than the latest phone or game console ever could.

So next time you’re tempted to buy something new for your tween, think about what they really need—your time. When you spend time with your child, give them your full attention, and show them that their thoughts and feelings matter, you’re giving them something far more valuable than any gadget. The clothes and electronics might bring short-term excitement, but the emotional security and self-worth that come from feeling seen and loved are what will truly shape who they become.

At the end of the day, the most precious gift you can give your tween isn’t something you can buy. It’s your time, your attention, and the moments of connection that will stay with them for life and help them grow into confident, secure adults.

To find out more about Eve's work or get in touch with her, click here.