Cheryl 'died inside' at height of fame before Liam Payne helped her 'settle' inner demons

Cheryl confessed to 'dying inside' before Liam Payne helped heal wounds. (Image: Getty)

After their public split in 2018, Cheryl and her late ex-partner, Liam Payne, set their differences aside to share parenting responsibilities for their son Bear, now aged seven.

The couple have previously spoken about the tough choices they've made, uniting as a team for Bear's wellbeing.

At 41, the former Girls Aloud member and X Factor judge struggled with self-confidence and anxiety amid her pop star fame and later while appearing on the ITV show alongside Simon Cowell. She faced a barrage of negative thoughts pre-Bear's arrival in 2017.

In an interview with Radio 1's Life Hacks, Cheryl divulged: "I would talk to myself so nastily. 'You silly cow. You stupid b****.' No one could make me feel worse about myself than I did, and that was a massive problem."

She continued: "I would walk out to a wall of paparazzi and put on a smile but inside I was dying," reports the Mirror.

Liam Payne and Cheryl split in 2018. (Image: Getty)

Her turning point came after giving birth to Bear when she acknowledged she couldn't continue in this way if she were to be a mother to him.

Cheryl opened up: "I struggled for so many years with anxiety and in my own head. I didn't want that to be happening when I was trying to focus on raising a child."

Seeking help, she turned to therapy and opted for cognitive behavioural therapy to overcome "years of self-loathing".

She shared that the therapeutic process enabled her to "actively undo" the damaging thought patterns and self-criticism she had internalised. "It felt like my responsibilities shifted and my priorities changed and I needed to be settled in my own head to be able to give him the best that I could possibly give him," she elaborated.

Liam Payne shared a rare photo of son, Bear. (Image: Instagram)

The Girls Aloud singer's assurance was profoundly impacted by past relationships where she encountered infidelity and deceit. Her first marriage started to disintegrate following claims that Ashley Cole had an affair with hairdresser Aimee Walton.

Cheryl decided to go through a very public effort to save her relationship, influencing her hit song Fight For This Love. Despite a valiant attempt to salvage their marriage, by 2010, the romance was beyond repair, culminating in Cheryl initiating a divorce citing unreasonable behaviour amid fresh cheating accusations.

In July 2014, Cheryl caught her fans off-guard by tying the knot with her second husband, French restaurateur Jean-Bernard Fernandez-Versini, in a secret ceremony. The love story was short-lived, though, and by 2016, Cheryl found herself back in the divorce courts, citing unreasonable behaviour from her ex that led to "stress and weight loss".

Jean-Bernard has since refuted claims of infidelity following suggestions that Liam Payne was her only faithful partner. Despite their separation just a year after their son Bear's birth, no animosity seemed to linger between them.

In a candid chat with The Sunday Times' Style magazine in 2018, Cheryl confided to journalist Decca Aitkenhead that Liam was "the only man who has ever been faithful to her".

The couple parted ways after two and a half years but promised to stay united for their son. Their joint statement declared: "We are sad to announce that we are going our separate ways. It's been a tough decision for us to make. We still have so much love for each other as a family. Bear is our world and we ask that you respect his privacy as we navigate our way through this together."

In 2022, Liam revealed that he spent a significant amount of time with his son. He stated: "I see him two times a week, three times a week sometimes. And I make sure when I see him, he has 100 percent of my time. I make sure that I'm not on my phone or d***ing around somewhere else. So, I like to give him those moments and it's important, he needs that in his life, he needs his dad in his life, and I'm happy he looks at me like a superhero, and I'm hoping to keep it that way."

Following Liam's tragic death on October 16 after falling from the third floor of a boutique hotel in Argentina, Cheryl penned a touching tribute. She wrote: "Liam was not only a pop star and a celebrity, he was a son, a brother, an uncle, a dear friend and a father to our seven-year-old son. A son that now has to face the reality of never seeing his father again."