A three-time mom has been backed for her decision to prioritize her health over being a surrogate for her sister.
On Reddit, the 28-year-old, posting under the handle /u/Maleficent-Feeling22, said that following the birth of her third child via a scheduled C-section, she decided to have a hysterectomy, having endured years of debilitating periods and heavy bleeding.
This decision, made in consultation with her medical team, was meant to prioritize her health after years of physical suffering.
However, her sister, who had been struggling with infertility, requested that the woman delay her surgery to act as a surrogate for her and her husband. Although the poster expressed her deep empathy for her sister's situation, she declined, explaining that the toll her condition had already taken on her body.
Newsweek contacted /u/Maleficent-Feeling22 for comment via Reddit. We could not verify the details of this case.
"I told her I was so sorry and if my body wasn't giving me the hell it is, I'd do it for her, but I couldn't delay it any longer," the poster wrote.
Initially, the poster's sister said she understood, but tensions escalated during a family Christmas gathering when her brother-in-law berated her, calling her selfish for putting her own health above their desire to have a child.
The situation became so heated that the poster's husband and mother stepped in to defend her, saying no one should feel pressured to carry a pregnancy for someone else.
Although the poster's sister later apologized for her husband's outburst, her brother-in-law persisted in criticizing her choice not to be their surrogate, saying she had broken her sister's heart. Despite the family drama, the poster reiterated her love for her sister and offered her continued emotional support.
Her post has received more than 15,000 upvotes and 3,000 comments, many of which supported the poster and affirmed her decision.
"You've been through enough with your own health, and putting yourself first is totally justified. The pressure is just unfair," one Reddit user commented.
"They see her body as theirs and that she's robbing them. WTF?" another wrote.
Newsweek spoke with Margaret M. Quinlan, the director of the Health and Medical Humanities Program in Interdisciplinary Studies at the University of North Carolina, who empathized with both sisters as "infertility can be painful, financially stressful and linked to mental health issues like depression and low self-esteem."
Above all, as a feminist scholar, Quinlan stressed the importance of bodily autonomy and the right to make coercion-free decisions.
"I support the fertile sister's choice to undergo a hysterectomy instead of becoming a surrogate, prioritizing her mental and physical health over familial and societal pressures," she said.
In You're Doing It Wrong: Mothering, Media and Medical Expertise, Quinlan and Bethany L. Johnson explore how prioritizing health reflects a shift in how women navigate motherhood expectations.
"We highlight the physical, emotional and psychological facets of reproductive choice, and this case is a fascinating starting point to explore how the fertile sister's decision reflects an understanding of self-care and mental/physical health, moving beyond traditional pronatalist motherhood notions of sacrifice for the family and society," Quinlan said.
As one Reddit user summed it up, "She's not entitled to your womb."
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