Janey Smith says My Mum, Your Dad helped her 'overcome abandonment issues'

Singer Janey Smith has opened up about being adopted and how it's affected her dating life, as well as whether she and partner Roger would consider fostering

Janey Smith, who captured hearts on My Mum, Your Dad last year, didn't just find romance with fellow contestant Roger Hawes - she also confronted her past adoption issues. In a tear-jerking episode featuring an "acceptance workshop" Janey, 49, from West Sussex, got candid about the impact of adoption on her love life, and in a heartfelt interview with OK! said, "Rejection and abandonment issues, I am a pleaser – these are all traits of being adopted. It's only the past few years I have addressed it and understand why I push people away and find an excuse to end things. I put barriers up."

It was during this raw moment that the postman Roger, still grieving his wife Joanne who passed away from cancer 14 months prior, felt a deep connection "I felt a connection when she spoke," he admitted. Now, as World Adoption Day approaches on 9 November, Janey is ready to delve into her personal history, opening up about her fears of rejection and the possibility of adopting with Roger...

Hi, Janey. Can you talk us through your upbringing?

I was adopted when I was only a few weeks old and I’ve known for as long as I can remember. Sometimes you hear stories about people who weren’t told, but my mum and dad were always very open and honest with me. I don’t remember them sitting me down to tell me the story – it’s always just been something I’ve known. I knew my mum and dad “chose” me and, for their own reasons, they had to adopt, but I didn’t really question it. I just wanted to be like everyone else. It was like I carried around this sort of embarrassment about it and it wasn’t something I talked to friends about.

Why have you decided to discuss it now?

I’d say it’s only been in the last 10 years that I’ve properly addressed it and started telling people. It’s funny in a way because my mum’s only 5ft tall and I’m 5ft 10in, so it must have been quite obvious. Even though I knew I was adopted, I didn’t fully understand what it all meant.

Were there a lot of emotions to process?

Definitely. I went to therapy about three years ago – which was the most expensive crying session ever – but I also remember opening up about it all during an acceptance workshop on the show and I felt so anxious. I may come across as confident, but opening up made me realise I do battle with feelings of rejection and abandonment.

It was then that I realised there were reasons why many of my relationships didn’t work out. I’ve been with a couple of players who cheated on me and the minute I get a sniff of disloyalty, I’m gone first. On the flip side, I would try to please too much because I wanted acceptance or didn’t want them to leave. My issues have definitely affected my relationships.

What about with Roger - in the early days, did you worry he would leave?

It’s funny, I didn’t worry about that with him. With Roger what you see is what you get. He’s definitely a one-woman man and just not out to hurt me at all. I remember my son [William] being a bit worried that Roger wasn’t quite ready to date yet, but I think because Roger had gone through his own form of grief, we helped each other. The only worry I had early on was similar to my son’s – I didn’t want to be an experiment for someone to dip their toe back in.

It sounds like Roger has helped you overcome some of your trust issues…

He has – he’s given me security. I feel so comfortable with Roger. He lives each day to the fullest and we talk openly.

Would you and Roger consider adopting or fostering?

I’ve said to him before that I’d love to foster. I probably said it quite fleetingly but we’ve since done a few things with Action For Children charity to raise awareness. We don’t officially live with each other and we don’t have a big enough house but, yes, I said I’d love to do it and he said he would, too.

Once you had your son [William, 21], did it give you a different perspective on it all?

I used to think about how difficult it would be [placing a child up for adoption] but everyone’s situation is different and I’d never judge someone for that. We don’t know the circumstances. I was born in the 1970s – it was a very different time. But it has opened my eyes on how many children need a secure home.

Have you tried to make contact with your biological parents?

I’ve never really wanted to find them – it’s something I don’t really want to know about at the moment. I have a sort of protection over my mum and dad. It can be easy to romanticise it in a way and wonder where some of your traits came from, but that could lead to disappointment. I sing and at times I think, “Where did that come from?” or even my sense of humour. But my mum used to say to me, “You’re just who you are. You form your own identity.” Another common thing is double rejection, which would be too difficult for me to handle

It seems that you had a lovely childhood…

I did. My upbringing was amazing and I think that’s partly why I’ve never wanted to know more too. My brother [Janey’s older adoptive brother from another family] and I were very lucky. My parents made that choice to pick us and that’s something I admire and why I’m very pro-adoption and pro-fostering. But I’m also aware that I have a very happy story and a lovely life, but not everyone is so lucky.

You’ve previously mentioned that you don’t celebrate your birthday. Why is that?

I just feel funny about it – some years I’m better than others. My “birth day” wasn’t a happy one – I was given away. I doubt it was a day where people came to visit me with baby grows and balloons… It’s just something I’ve thought about as I’ve got older. My birthdays growing up were lovely times with my parents and ice cream and jelly, but now it feels odd. I might celebrate my adoption day instead.

It sounds like you and Roger are very happy together…

We really are – things are going so great. We just celebrated Roger’s 60th and are going on holiday to Lanzarote soon. Plus, in May it will be our two-year anniversary. Where has the time gone?!