Man Refusing To Attend Family's 'No Kids' Gatherings Backed

A man who shared his dismay after his sister introduced a "no kids allowed" rule for family gatherings has been backed online.

As the only sibling with children, Reddit user u/partenzedepartures explained how the new rule, enforced in his sister's home, effectively bars his 4- and 6-year-old kids from family events, including potential holiday celebrations. The rule, he wrote, has him considering sitting out future family events rather than leaving his children out.

The dad, in his mid-thirties, voiced his concerns on the popular "AITA" subreddit and wrote: "My 6-year-old adores his extended family, and if he finds out he's being excluded, it would break his heart... He's sensitive, and I don't want him growing up thinking he's not important."

African American man and woman sitting on sofa in the room while quarreling with each other at home. The original poster told Newsweek that his partner is "equally frustrated" with the situation and that it's... Mariia Vitkovska

The original poster (OP) told Newsweek that he and his sister used to spend a lot of time together and family gatherings were something they both enjoyed.

"Things were generally smooth between us, but it seems like ever since I had children, there's been a growing distance, and this new rule feels like a breaking point," he said.

He also questioned the long-term effect this exclusion might have on his children's perception of family, adding that he feels pressure from relatives to "just go along with it."

The OP also told Newsweek that his family siding with his sister feels like they're dismissing his concerns and aren't considering how this affects his kids or him as a parent.

"I thought my parents especially would understand, but they seem more focused on maintaining peace with my sister than on the bigger picture," he said.

At the time of writing, the OP's post has gone viral on Reddit and received 10,000 upvotes. Over 3,000 other Reddit users chimed in with their thoughts in the comments section.

In reference to the OP calling his son "sensitive," many agreed that choosing the appropriate wording for a child in this situation matters.

"It's very different to explain that an event is only appropriate for adults. [He] also doesn't seem to be stepping up to try and offer to host more to offset the adult only events," one user commented. Some guessed that the OP practices gentle parenting and that his children have behavioral issues.

Meanwhile, others urged people not to blame this method of parenting. "It's the parents who don't actually parent that give it a bad name. The techniques of gentle parenting are effective—but one must actually parent. They forget a key aspect of gentle parenting is boundaries and consequences," one wrote.

Newsweek spoke to Renée Zavislak, a integrative psychotherapist specializing in family problems, who believed the Reddit poster's frustration was warranted.

"In all my years as a therapist, I have never heard of a family excluding children from holiday celebrations," Zavislak said.

While the father expressed his apprehensions about explaining the rule to his 6-year-old, Zavislak explained that how he frames the events to his son will make all the difference.

"If he says, 'Your aunt doesn't want you in her house,' then, yes, I imagine his son will be hurt. But there is no reason to say that. Rather, I'd suggest something like, 'Every once in a while, we like to have an adult party.' That's all," she said, adding that involving young children in adult conflicts only adds unnecessary distress.

For the Reddit poster, the decision on whether to attend his sister's gatherings without his children remains tough.

"I feel like I'm being forced to choose between being part of my family or being a parent," he wrote in his post. Family traditions and holidays are times he wants to celebrate with his children by his side.

"Honestly, I don't know what we'll do for Thanksgiving and Christmas if this continues," he told Newsweek, adding that holidays are important to them as a family and the idea of celebrating without his kids makes him feel uncomfortable.

"If my sister insists on keeping this rule, we might have to start our own traditions at home, which would be sad, but I can't imagine leaving my kids out," he said.

Though the reaction was mixed, the majority of Redditors backed the OP and declared him not the a******.