Love Island star Maura Higgins has opened up about the guilt she carries over her best friend Andrew Rowan's tragic death, sharing how she wonders if things could have been different.
The 33-year-old beauty got candid about the immense loss she experienced when Andrew died at just 26 in a harrowing motorbike crash in Co Athlone, Ireland, back in 2017.
She told of how the tragedy profoundly changed her life and personal perspective, teaching her a gut-wrenching lesson on the brevity of life. In a heart-wrenching confession, Maura admitted blaming herself for not being with Andrew that fateful day.
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She recounted to Paul Carrick Brunson on his We Need to Talk podcast: "For so long I blamed myself for it because when I look back at that day, the day was so crazy," said the reality TV star.
"I can't work my head around it. He called me and he'd finished work early, which wasn't really meant to happen. He was like 'I have finished work early, let's grab some food'. I was like 'I can't be f***ed, I am still in my pyjamas I really can't be f***ed'."
She continued to share her torment: "I am not as bad as I was with it but I still think 'Why didn't I just go with him'. He wouldn't have been on the motorbike, we would have been in his car, we would have got food and maybe the day would have been different."
Maura became choked with emotion as she spoke about her feelings of guilt. "I don't want to cry. I am so not a crier as well. I think I just beat myself up over it because it would have been different.", reports the Mirror.
When Paul asked if she still blames herself, Maura replied: "I just know it would have been different if I just got f***ing dressed and wasn't so lazy."
Maura revealed she had seen Andrew on the day of his death and recounted their conversation. "I didn't go for the dinner but I still saw him that day. I will never forget him arriving on the bike and I remember straight away saying 'Why are you on the bike? ' He's not a biker and every time he was on it, I just didn't understand. I just didn't like it. He was like 'It's a great day, it is a lovely day outside'."
Maura recalled feeling a sense of foreboding when Andrew left. "I will never forget when he left he said he was going to take a drive on the bike. I went into the toilet and I could hear his motorbike and I got these shivers. I remember thinking to myself, 'Maura stop thinking bad'. Then a few hours later I get a phone call. It is such a weird day when I look back."
When Maura heard the news of Andrew's death, she was in disbelief. She repeatedly called his phone and confessed she "physically couldn't stop". The news was delivered by her ex-boyfriend, and Maura knew it was true as soon as she saw his face.
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