Strictly’s Paul Merson in heartbreaking family confession as he shares fears for health

Paul and dance partner Karen Hauer have impressed in Strictly 2024 (Image: BBC)

Arsenal legend Paul Merson has spoken frankly of his regrets about the “madness” of the mid-1990s, when he was in the grip of a compulsive gambling addiction and drug abuse: “I was drinking and gambling from the age of 16, and I had a year on cocaine which brought me to my knees.

“I ended up in crack houses,” the Strictly Come Dancing star told podcaster Ben Heath. “I smoked crack, but I didn’t smoke cigarettes, I thought cigarettes were too bad for you.”

But the true cost was not the damage that Paul did to his health, or even the estimated £7m he squandered, but the quality time with family and his young children that he sacrificed during those years.

He explained: “I don't get time back. You're never in the moment when you're gambling. You're never in the You’re always somewhere else.

"You're always thinking, ‘What am I going to do? What did I do yesterday? When am I going to get money? When am I going out for a drink?’

Paul admits that he's saved 'nothing' from his glory years (Image: BBC/Ray Burmiston)

“My wife's got a picture of my boys sitting on a bench at school, looking down, looking for me at one of their plays, because I chose to sit in a pub.”

It’s the pain of missing out on great chunks of his sons’ childhood that Paul feels most keenly, adding: “You can get the money. I’m not going to get £7 million back. But I surrendered that. I've let go of that, for I won't get the time back.”

The former England international says that, while he will never again see the wealth of his mid-1990s glory years, money isn’t a priority for him: “I've been a millionaire two or three times over and wanted to kill myself again at the same time. So I know money won’t make me happy.”

Despite his past success, football pundit Paul says he’s not a wealthy man: “I’ve saved nothing…I have a lovely wife and kids, but I live in a rented house. I'm not a millionaire. I have to work.”

Paul has carved out a second career in TV, but says he's not wealthy (Image: Getty)

Paul and Karen training hard for their Strictly appearances (Image: BBC)

“If Sky got rid of me tomorrow, I would have to work. But at the end of the day, I’m much happier today than what I was when I was earning 35 grand a week.”

Paul fears that if he were to relapse into gambling and drinking again, it could be the end of him: “I don't feel I could come back again,” he says.

“So when I get up in the morning, I say ‘I will not gamble or take a drink today.’ If someone said to me, ‘Don't do it ever again,' that's overwhelming. I couldn’t do that.”

Paul and his partner Karen performed their Samba to Car Wash by Rose Royce this weekend, but were languishing at the bottom of the leaderboard on Saturday night. Win or lose, though, he's already battled the toughest challenge of all.

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