With the holiday season approaching, some Americans are anxious about having awkward conversations around the dinner table, so Newsweek spoke with experts on how to navigate a potential argument.
According to data from Statista, 31 percent of Americans prefer to spend Thanksgiving at their relatives' homes, while 58 percent prefer to spend it at their own home and 16 percent prefer to go to their friends' homes for the holiday.
Jefferson Fisher, a lawyer and "argument expert," recently went viral on TikTok after sharing conversation tips for family gatherings.
In the video, posted on his @justaskjefferson TikTok account, Fisher said viewers could steer their conversations away from politics or sore subjects by telling the person raising such topics, "I'd rather talk about you."
"It always works because everybody loves to talk about themselves," he added. Other tips Fisher shared were to discuss favorite memories and to treat someone you may dislike as though their presence is not a problem.
In the video's comments section, viewers expressed anxiety about the upcoming holidays, with one writing they were "not looking forward to Christmas dinner" and another asking for help on "how to disagree with someone."
This year, Thanksgiving comes three weeks after a divisive presidential election. On November 5, Donald Trump defeated his Democratic opponent, Vice President Kamala Harris—winning not only the Electoral College but also the popular vote. Supporters on both sides of the political aisle may hold strong feelings about their preferred candidate.
Newsweek spoke with experts on how to navigate awkward conversations and charged disagreements, and they said disagreements at the dinner table do not always have to turn into arguments—if you have the correct tools.
Johanna Solomon, a conflict resolution practitioner and an assistant professor at Kent State University's School of Peace and Conflict Studies, acknowledged that politics would likely play a role at many tables this Thanksgiving, as it does "after any big political shift."
While "challenging conversations" can be a "wonderful part" of family gatherings, Solomon recommended taking steps to ensure "disagreements are productive rather than explosive and divisive."
"It's OK to set boundaries," she said. "Expressing different values, preferences, or ideas is different from attacks on someone's identity. If you are overwhelmed, feel attacked, or just want to focus on the food, it's OK to let others know."
If you believe you will become angry during a conversation with someone who voted differently from you, be prepared to "steer conversation to topics like whose mashed potato recipe is best," Solomon said. "There are plenty of other things to talk about at the table."
Kathy Richardson, an assistant professor of clinical mental health counseling at Lebanon Valley College who has previously written about navigating politics during the holiday season, agreed that people should set "a polite boundary and change the conversation."
If someone starts talking about something upsetting, she said, gently steer the conversation back to something personal, such as family or their career, as it is "important to remember the reason for the season."
When it comes to Thanksgiving, Richardson said: "Keeping the focus on the ties that bind you to family members and the things that you have in common, rather than the ways that you differ, can help you to stay focused on the deeper meaning of the day."
Solomon said it is also important to remember that even if you have a good discussion on politics, "you are unlikely to change anyone's mind about how they voted. Don't debate. Instead, work on active and curious listening."
Richardson echoed her sentiments, saying: "If the discussion can be respectful and people are able to approach conversations with differing viewpoints in a kind and curious manner, then there is really no reason to make [politics] off-limits.
"But if political talk is an argument waiting to happen, it is very reasonable to say that the table is a politics-free zone."
"It is OK to end a conversation when something is pushing you into a defensive stance. You cannot control the topics that others bring up, but you can choose how and if to respond," she added.
Julia Azari, the director of Marquette University's Civic Dialogues, which fosters respectful conversations about society's most contentious issues, said not to shy away from awkward conversations: "Being able to talk about politics across different points of view is a crucial civic skill for living in a democratic society."
She urged families to set ground rules, agreeing in advance to listen respectfully and without interrupting; to find common ground; and to focus on understanding the "why" of others' viewpoints rather than debating the "what."
It is also important, Azari said, to validate each other's emotions: "Acknowledge feelings without judgment, promoting a more respectful exchange."
If you have a similar family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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