Thanksgiving will be here before we know it, and for some people the build-up is far from exciting—especially for hosts.
For Reddit user Socallivin1993, things have become tricky while organizing the guest list, leading to family drama.
Sharing his situation, the user asked on the popular Am I The A******? forum if he was wrong to refuse to let his brother "Josh," 29, bring his girlfriend "Lindsey," 27.
So far, the post titled: "AITA for refusing to let my brother bring his girlfriend to Thanksgiving after she disrespected my wife?" has gathered 7,700 upvotes in less than 24 hours.
The 31-year-old explained that the girlfriend, referred to as Lindsey, has made "passive-aggressive comments" to his wife, "Lily", 30, in the past.
"For example, at a recent BBQ, Lindsey said it was 'selfish' that Lily and I weren't planning to have kids anytime soon.
"Lily felt uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything at the time. Another incident happened at a family dinner when Lindsey remarked, 'I'm surprised you two are so happy without kids. You must be really good at being selfish.'"
But this isn't uncommon, according to statistics, the U.S. fertility rate reached a historic low in 2023, with a growing share of women ages 25 to 44 having never given birth.
According to a Pew Research survey, the top reasons for not having children—or being unlikely to—differ between the older and younger groups. For those aged 50 and older, the most common reason is that it just didn't happen, while younger individuals are more likely to say they simply don't want children. Women under 50 are more likely to state that they don't want children (64%) compared to 50% of men in the same group.
The man states that Lily was hurt by Lindsey "judging" their life choices, which is why they don't want her to attend the celebrations at their house on November 28.
"Josh asked if he could bring Lindsey, I told him I'd prefer if she didn't come. I explained that some of her comments had made Lily feel disrespected, and I didn't want that to ruin the holiday. Josh got upset and said I was being petty.
"He argued that I was overreacting and that Lindsey was 'just being honest,' but I stood my ground. Now Josh says he won't come if Lindsey isn't invited, and my parents are caught in the middle. My mom thinks I'm being too harsh, but I feel like I'm just standing up for my wife."
How to Avoid Arguing at Thanksgiving
Newsweek reached out to Veronica West, a psychologist based in Queensland, Australia, to find out how to keep the peace this Thanksgiving.
She said: "Thanksgiving doesn't have to be perfect, and a little tension is normal—it's family, after all. Just focus on the big picture: food, connection, and maybe a post-dinner nap."
West, founder of My Thriving Mind, which provides therapy tools for mental health professionals, has provided the following tips:
- Be Selective with Your Guest List - If someone treats Thanksgiving like a WWE smackdown, giving them the year off is okay. Tell them you're "keeping it intimate this year" or that you're "redecorating" (just don't let them catch you posting photos on Instagram). If they must come, limit their time—say, coffee and pie only—so they can't stir the pot too much.
- Ban the Usual Suspects (of Topics) - No politics, religion, or "when are you getting married" interrogations. Make it clear that the turkey is the only thing getting carved up at the table. Use humor to enforce it: "If anyone brings up politics, they're on dish duty!"
- Seat Strategically - Keep potential sparring partners far apart.
- Keep Everyone Distracted - Nothing derails a brewing argument like a competitive Thanksgiving trivia game or a round of charades.
- Sprinkle in Gratitude - Ask everyone to share one thing they're thankful for (no snarky comments allowed). It's hard to keep arguing when people are talking about their kids, pets, or the pecan pie they're about to inhale.
Reddit Reacts
Other users online are outraged and urged the poster to stick to his guns.
One comment said: "NTA [not the a******]. You're "just being honest" too. You don't want Lindsey at your house. Good for you for standing your ground."
"Lindsey's just being honest? It's honestly none of her business if you and your wife have children. It's honestly not her place to call your wife selfish or belittle her employment. It's honestly not her place to be such an a******. NTA," said another.
A third commenter said: "YTA [you're the a******] for not inviting her. The correct way is to invite her and then kick her out when she makes a snarky comment. Much more humiliating."
Newsweek reached out to u/Socallivin1993 for comment. We could not verify the details of the case.
If you have a family dilemma, let us know via life@newsweek.com. We can ask experts for advice, and your story could be featured on Newsweek.
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