In a heart-to-heart with Gok Wan, it's easy to see why he's one of the nation's favourite TV personalities. The 50 year old fashion expert, DJ and presenter is known for his candidness – whether sharing a light-hearted tale or a poignant story, you can always count on him to speak from the heart. This time, however, the topic is a difficult one. In May, Gok lost his best friend, Allison Gordon Parry, who had been battling stage 4 breast cancer for many years.
As he discusses it, he wipes away a tear and apologises for being "so bloody emotional". But this only highlights the deep bond between two people who truly cherished each other. Gok confesses his anger at cancer for taking Ali too soon. Now, he's channeling his grief into something positive with the forthcoming release of charity single Deeper Love (A Tribute To Allison), with all profits going to Macmillan Cancer Support. Here, the This Morning fashion expert opens up in an exclusive chat with OK! about dealing with loss, turning 50 - and why his dear Ali will forever remain close to his heart...
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Dave Benett/Getty Images for Accor Group & The Fairmount)Gok, how are you doing?
Losing family members when they’re old is sad, but it’s different to losing someone before their time. It’s unexpected and it’s made me evaluate mortality. But it also fired something up in me. I’m probably naughtier, more outrageous and louder than ever. But I’m utterly heartbroken I’ve lost her. I tear up thinking about her. I still talk to her.
What was Ali like?
Ali was and always will be my best friend. We met over a decade ago in Australia. She was manager for a brand I was the face of and we hit it off instantly. It was a love affair. We always said she was my wife and I was her husband. It was that kind of relationship – just without the sex! We liked the same music, shared a similar sense of humour, ethics. She’s the person I’d run to when I needed advice, a cry or a laugh.
It must have been terrible to find out she had cancer…
Devastating. She was diagnosed with stage 4 breast cancer almost seven years ago. It all started in my car one day, driving to panto. I was about to get on stage dressed as a fairy, jumping around entertaining kids, when she said, “I’ve got a lump.” I said, “It’s fine, it’s going to be a cyst!” We made lewd jokes about it. Turns out, it wasn’t fine and her cancer journey began.
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therealgokwan/instagram)Did you get a tattoo in her honour?
I got a few. I got a little “A” behind my ear while she was alive. We spoke very candidly about the day she would go and what would happen after. I said I’d put her next to my ear, so I’d always hear her. And God, she used to talk… Then I got a fruit machine with a little melon and her initials AGP on it after she died. The last conversation we had, I said you have to promise me two things when you’re in the afterlife – first, you’ll never watch me have sex. Second, you always need to bring me luck!
Tell us about the charity single you’re releasing...
Ali loved music and came to parties with me when I was DJing. She’d get on stage and sing with me. So when she passed, I decided this wasn’t going to be in vain – we’re going to continue to help people. Ali had me, a great family. The devastating reality is, many people go through this without any support. This is where the tears subside and the joy comes in – I’m like a dog with a bone with this track! I’m going to raise so much money for Macmillan.
How important was it that all profits go to Macmillan?
They do amazing work and don’t have enough money, so let’s help them. The money we raise from this single is going to help change people’s lives. I know old twat face up there is looking down and laughing, thinking this is absolutely what should happen.
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Supplied)Ali passed in May. How have you been since?
Grief does get easier. Initially, it was reaching for the phone to call her [she had to move back to Australia for treatment]. Because of the time difference, I’d talk to her every single day when I woke up or was going to bed. But working on this single is like therapy for me. It’s proactive and somewhere for my anger to go.
Is there a lot of anger?
Oh, I hate cancer with every particle of my body. It devastates lives every single day. If someone’s a total b*****d, you can go up to them and say, “You’re a f****r.” But there’s a helplessness. I’ve got nobody to scream at. That anger lives inside you, so I guess I’m trying to turn it into positive energy, because it’s overwhelming. I know I can’t stop cancer, but I can try and help people going through this.
You turned 50 recently. How did you approach that?
Losing her and turning 50 in the same year… I’ve spent my entire life looking forwards – the next project, the next party. I’ve started looking backwards, at past relationships, experiences. I was blinded by ambition for years, by awful imposter syndrome. That’s gone. I’m on the shelf now, and quite comfortable there.
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Supplied)You’re the new co-host of Magic Radio Breakfast...
Yes, they asked me to cover for Ronan Keating, who’d been there for seven years. I’d never done radio but I fell in love. It’s fun and fast. I raved about it so much I think I subliminally forced them to give me the job! I’ve been there a few months finding my feet, then
I start proper in January – getting up at 4am!
Ouch. How are you with early starts?
I like being awake early and talking a lot, so that doesn’t bother me! But it’s knackering. You finish at 10am, go off, do TV, fashion, whatever, then I’m DJing at weekends. It’s been a challenge, but I love it.
Gok Wan and House Gospel Choir Deeper Love is out 13 December. Pre-order from gokwan.lnk.to/ DeeperLove, raising funds for Macmillian. See macmillan.org.uk
English (US) ·